Ants On A Tree

(Preparation time: 40 minutes. Serves about 3)
Little fingers: Kids can measure and stir together the marinade ingredients.

Szechuan peppercorns are a strange beast. They're not really spicy at all.
Instead, when you bite down on one, it causes a Novocain-like numbness with a
faint citrus haze. There's no way to make this sound appealing if you haven't
tried them, but the same is true of hot peppers. Szechuan peppercorns are, in
fact, the dried buds of a citrus tree, and they were banned in the United
States for decades because of the threat of citrus canker, a parasite that can
ruin citrus crops. (Contraband of varying quality was readily available, of
course.) They're now legal again as long as they've been heat treated (that
is, baked). I have a bottle of the heat-treated ones from Penzeys.com, and
they're great. If this were not a family book, I would recommend that you also
get baked before enjoying a dish with Szechuan peppercorns.

8 ounces ground pork
2 tablespoons soy sauce
1 tablespoon sugar
1 tablespoon hot bean paste
1 teaspoon cornstarch
6-8 ounces cellophane noodles
2 tablespoons peanut oil
2 scallions, white and light green parts only, thinly sliced
1 red jalapeno or Fresno chile, seeded and minced
1/2 cup chicken stock
1 tablespoon dark soy sauce
1/4 teaspoon ground Szechuan peppercorns (optional)

1. In a medium bowl, combine pork with regular soy sauce, sugar, hot bean paste, and cornstarch. Refrigerate 20 minutes.

2. Place noodles in a large bowl and pour boiling water over to cover. Soak 5 minutes, stirring occasionally, and drain in a colander.

3. Heat oil in a 12-inch nonstick skillet or a wok over medium-high heat. Add the scallions and jalapeno and cook 30 seconds, stirring frequently. Add the pork and stir-fry until no longer pink, breaking up any chunks, about 3 minutes.

4. Add the noodles, chicken stock, dark soy sauce, and Szechuan pepper. Cook, tossing the noodles with two wooden spoons, until the sauce is absorbed and pork is well distributed throughout the noodles. Transfer to a large platter and serve immediately.

Nonspicy Variation: Not really practical, but the hot bean paste is not really that hot, and the jalapeno is optional. Even at the height of Iris's sensitivity to hot stuff , she never complained about Ants on a Tree.

Notes On Ingredients
Ground pork: To really get the ants to climb the tree, you need finely ground pork. You can take regular ground pork and pulse it a few times in the food processor, but I'm too lazy to bother; the flavor is great either way, and Iris likes big pork bites.

Hot bean paste: This is the stuff Iron Chef Chen was always reaching for. Available at Asian groceries and some supermarkets, it's sometimes called hot bean sauce, or spicy bean paste, or similar.

Cellophane noodles. Also called bean threads or saifun. Look for mung bean starch in the ingredients. Around here, they're sold in a 6-ounce package.

Dark soy sauce. Also called soy superior sauce or mushroom soy sauce. I buy Pearl River Bridge Mushroom Soy Sauce at my local Safeway.