Things I learned on my summer vacation

  • At the vacation cottage, do not allow anyone to accidentally knock a half-full roll of toilet paper into the washing machine while loading it.
    • Should the above happen, under no circumstances put the clothing and now-dispersed paper pulp into a dryer.
      • Should both of the above happen, you can fix the dryer by opening up all the dryer venting between the unit and the outdoors, reaching your arm in up to the shoulder, and pulling out great wads of soggy years-old lint mixed with fluffed up paper nuggets.
  • If your child cheerfully informs you that “it’s okay to poop on the rocks!”, she is not idly musing on such an event in the abstract. 
    • Same goes for “It’s okay to pee on the rocks!”
    • Pooping on the rocks below the high tide mark is a much better outcome than pooping on the rocks above the high tide mark.
  • Adding mango pieces to even a small portion of a much-beloved and traditional chocolate chip cookie recipe will not endear you to any much-beloved and traditionally-minded friends.
  • People who eat meat like pork dumplings much, much more than they like vegetable dumplings.
  • Dominion is a fun game, though too much of it can leave one feeling kinda queasy.
  • Two-person kayaks, unless they’re exquisitely well designed, are terrible sea-going vessels and do not contribute to marital harmony.
  • Flying with children in diapers: just the usual amount of travel effort. 
  • Flying with a child out of diapers: requires a keen focus on said child’s attitude and body language before multiple trips down the airplane’s aisle as quickly as possible without alarming any plainclothes air marshals on board.
    • And when the bathroom’s low-pressurization fans are so noisy that the child refuses to take her hands off her ears? Bring earplugs or child-sized hearing protectors.
  • And when the second child absolutely requires a diaper change, may I highly recommend any place other than an airplane bathroom to change it.
    • Seriously, I think the cockpit, even with both pilot and copilot in it, would have been roomier and better suited to changing our yelling infant’s befouled diaper than the bathroom on this Boeing 717.