things it's hard to do with my left index finger all bandaged

  1. avoid banging it into things

  2. adequately wash right armpit using only right hand

  3. flip lefthanded bird to Boston drivers

  4. typre legibvly

  5. get back on horse that threw me by chopping more scallions

  6. play foosball

  7. play disturbingly addictive online game, World of Warcraft (more on this later)

  8. toss niece Sabrina around

avoid getting extra-thorough smelling by any cat or dog I meet, presumably to detect whether I’m sufficiently wounded to cull from the herd

  10. not have everyone and their mother ask about why my finger's all bandaged