Man, I loves me some Paul Ford.
**Rather than purchasing goods made by overseas laborers**—who are often forced to work in unsafe conditions for low wages—I have kidnapped and enslaved a group of neighborhood children and chained them to a bench in my garage, where they make my clothes and build my gadgets. ¶ **I carpool or ride my bike** to Klan rallies. ¶ And **I give public transit passes** to my suicide bombers. ¶ I flush the toilet **once a month**. ¶ **I avoid wasteful, ecologically unsound packaging** by stealing. ¶ That barbecue sizzle? Humanely slaughtered pandas **raised no more than ten miles from my home**.
(Continued at Ftrain.com )