Men Who Use Computers Are The New Sex Symbols Of The `90s

     I found this very personally gratifying...


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Subject: Men Who Use Computers Are The New Sex Symbols Of The `90s 
Author:  Brad Adams at tcn-dc
Date:    11/02/96 11:37 PM


     Thought I'd pass this one along for all you techies.  Enjoy.  
     
     
From Scott Adams, creator of that great comic strip Dilbert .. explaining why 
computer types like us (well, excepting Sandra of course, but I think you 
understand what I mean) are so irresistible.  Enjoy.
_
     
by Scott Adams (fpbggnqnzf@nby.pbz)
     
I get about 100 e-mail messages a day from readers of my comic strip 
"Dilbert."  Most are from disgruntled office workers, psychopaths, 
stalkers, comic-strip fans -- that sort of person.  But a growing 
number are from women who write to say they think Dilbert is sexy. 
Some say they've already married a Dilbert and couldn't be happier.
     
If you're not familiar with Dilbert, he's an electrical engineer who 
spends most of his time with his computer.  He's a nice guy but not 
exactly Kevin Costner.
     
Okay, Dilbert is polite, honest, employed and educated.  And he stays 
home.  These are good traits, but they don't exactly explain the 
incredible sex appeal.  So what's the attraction?
     
I think it's a Darwinian thing.  We're attracted to the people who have
the best ability to survive and thrive.  In the old days it was important to 
be able to run down an antelope and kill it with a single blow to the 
forehead.
     
But that skill is becoming less important every year.  Now all that 
matters is if you can install your own Ethernet card without having
to call tech support and confess your inadequacies to a stranger  whose 
best career option is to work in tech support.
     
It's obvious that the world has three distinct classes of people, 
each with its own evolutionary destiny:
     
1.  Knowledgeable computer users who will evolve into godlike 
non-corporeal beings who rule the universe (except for those who work 
in tech support).
2.  Computer owners who try to pass as knowledgeable but secretly
use hand calculators to add totals to their Excel spreadsheets. This group 
will gravitate toward jobs as high school principals and  operators of
pet crematoriums.  Eventually they will become extinct.
3.  Non-computer users who will grow tails, sit in zoos and fling 
dung at tourists.
     
Obviously, if you're a woman and you're trying to decide which 
evolutionary track you want your offspring to take, you don't want  to 
put them on the luge ride to the dung-flinging Olympics.  You  want a 
real man.
You want a knowledgeable computer user with evolution potential.
And women prefer men who listen.  Computer users are excellent  listeners 
because they can look at you for long periods of time  without saying 
anything.
     
Granted, early in a relationship it's better if the guy actually
talks.  But men use up all the stories they'll ever have after six  months. 
If a woman marries a guy who's in, let's say, retail sales,  she'll get 
repeat stories starting in the seventh month and lasting  forever.
Marry an engineer and she gets a great listener for the  next 70 
years.
     
Plus, with the ozone layer evaporating, it's a good strategy to mate 
with somebody who has an indoor hobby.  Outdoorsy men are applying 
suntan lotion with SPF 10,000 and yet by the age of 30 they still
look like dried chili peppers in pants.  Compare that with the  healthy 
glow of a man who spends 12 hours a day in front of a  video screen.
     
It's also well established that computer users are better lovers.   I 
know because I heard an actual anecdote from someone who knew a
 woman who married a computer user and they reportedly had sex many  times.
I realize this isn't statistically valid, but you have to  admit it's 
the most persuasive thing I've written so far.
     
If you still doubt the sexiness of male PC users, consider their 
hair.
They tend to have either:  (1) male pattern baldness -- a  sign of 
elevated testosterone -- or  (2) unkempt jungle hair --  the kind you 
see only on people who just finished a frenzied bout  of lovemaking.
     
If this were a trial I think we could reach a verdict on the strong 
circumstantial evidence alone.  I realize there are a lot of skeptics 
out there.  They'll delight in pointing out the number of computer 
users who wear wrist braces and suggest it isn't the repetitive use 
of  the keyboard that causes the problem.  That's okay.
     
Someday those skeptics will be flinging dung at tourists.  Then
who'll be laughing?  (Answer to rhetorical question:  everybody  but the 
tourists.)
     
Henry Kissinger said power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.  And Bill 
Clinton said that knowledge is power.  Therefore, logically,
according to the U.S. government, knowledge of computers is the  ultimate 
aphrodisiac.  You could argue with me -- I'm just a  cartoonist -- but 
it's hard to argue with the government.
     
Remember, they run the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, so 
they must know a thing or two about satisfying women.
     
You might think this was enough to convince anyone that men who
use computers are sexy.  But look at it from my point of view:   I'm 
getting paid by the word for this article.  I'm not done yet.   In less 
enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to  own a hot
car.  But women wised up and realized it was better to  buy their own hot 
cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with  jerks.
     
Technology has replaced hot cars as the new symbol of robust
manhood.  Men know that unless they get a digital line to the Internet no 
 woman
is going to look at them twice.
     
It's getting worse.  Soon anyone who's not on the World Wide Web will 
qualify for a government subsidy for the home-pageless.
     
Finally, there's the issue of mood lighting.  Nothing looks sexier
than a man in boxer shorts illuminated only by a 15-inch SVGA monitor.   If 
we agree that this is every woman's dream scenario, then I think  we
can also agree that it's best if the guy knows how to use the  computer. 
Otherwise, he'll just look like a loser sitting in front  of a PC in his 
underwear.
     
In summary, it's not that I think non-PC users are less attractive. 
It's just that I'm sure they won't read this article.