Deep Thoughts Contest, the highlights

    HONORABLE MENTIONS:

 Home is where the house is.

 The people who think Tiny Tim is strange are the same ones who think
 it odd that I drive without pants.

 I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

 Once, I wept for I had no shoes.  Then I came upon a man who had no
 feet.  So I took his shoes.  I mean, it's not like he really needed
 them, right?

 I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why
 I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash
 clothes on the last day of their life?

 Whenever I start getting sad about where I am in my life, I think
 about the last words of my favorite uncle: "A truck!"

 If you really want to impress people with your computer literacy, add
 the words "dot com" to the end of everything you say, dot com.

 I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've found my dog.
 Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away all of
 his stuff.  Dog people sure don't have a sense of humor.

 THIRD RUNNER UP

 I don't know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry.  I imagine
 that the wet paint is a big freshwater lake that is the only source of
 water for some tiny cities by the lake.  As the lake gets drier, the
 population gets more desperate, and sometimes there are water riots.
 Once there was a big fire and everyone died.

 FIRST RUNNER UP

 I gaze at the brilliant full moon.  The same one, I think to myself,
 at which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed.  Suddenly, I imagine
 they appear beside me.  I tell Socrates about the national debate over
 one's right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition.
 I tell Plato that I live in the country that has come the closest to
 Utopia, and I show him a copy of the Constitution.  I tell Aristotle
 that we have found many more than four basic elements and I show him a
 periodic table.  I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one.  They
 gasp with wonder.  We spend the rest of the night lighting farts.

 WINNER

 If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world
 peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the
 looting started.