(fwd) Top 15 Signs You're Being Stalked by Martha Stewart (fwd)

My girlfriend forwarded me this, and I thought y'all might get a chuckle
out of it.

Bill


Nyani-Iisha Martin wrote:
> From asznegva@uhfp.uneineq.rqh  Wed Mar 12 21:12:25 1997
> From: Nyani-Iisha Martin <asznegva@uhfp.uneineq.rqh>
> Date: Wed, 12 Mar 1997 21:00:28 -0500 (EST)
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> To: ovyyq@ibvprarg.pbz, asznegva@uhfp.uneineq.rqh
> Subject: (fwd) Top 15 Signs You're Being Stalked by Martha Stewart
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> Organization: Harvard University, Cambridge, Massachusetts
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> From: "Beth R. Jarvis" <wneiv013@tbyq.gp.hza.rqh>
> Newsgroups: rec.food.cooking
> Subject: Top 15 Signs You're Being Stalked by Martha Stewart
> Date: Tue, 11 Mar 97 23:41:31 CDT
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> 
>   The Top 15 Signs You're Being Stalked by Martha Stewart  
>   
>   
> 15> Mysterious late-night phone calls: "I can't stop thinking about
>     you... and that's a good thing!"  
>   
> 14> Contents of your curbside recycling tub stolen and replaced 
>     with juice can pencil holders and milk carton flower vases.  
>   
> 13> On her show she makes a gingerbread house that looks exactly 
>     like your split-level, right down to the fallen-over licorice 
>     downspout and the stuck half-open graham cracker garage door.  
>   
> 12> You get a threatening note made up of letters cut out of a 
>     magazine with pinking shears, and they're all the same size,
>     the same font, and precisely lined up in razor-sharp rows.  
>   
> 11> Size 6 Bruno Magli imprints on all your doilies.  
>   
> 10> You find your pet bunny on the stove in an exquisite tarragon,
>     rose petal & saffron demi-glace', with pecan-crusted hearts of
>     palm and a delicate mint-fennel sauce.  
>   
>  9> The unmistakable aroma of potpourri follows you -- even after
>     you leave the bathroom.  
>   
>  8> You discover that every napkin in the whole friggin' house has
>     been folded into a swan.  
>   
>  7> No matter *where* you eat, your place setting always includes
>     an oyster fork.  
>   
>  6> Annoying crank phone calls begin with, "Hold, please, for 
>     Ms. Stewart."  
>   
>  5> Twice this week you've been the victim of a drive-by doilying.  
>   
>  4> That telltale lemon slice in the dog's water bowl.  
>   
>  3> The sharpened macaroni shells underfoot in the bathroom are
>     stained to match the shower curtain.  
>   
>  2> You wake up in the hospital with a concussion and endive
>     stuffing in every orifice.  
>   
>   
> and the Number 1 Sign You're Being Stalked by Martha Stewart...  
>   
>   
>  1> You awaken one morning with a glue gun pointed squarely at
>     your temple.
> 
> 
> --
> ___________________________________________________________________
>          Nyani-Iisha F. Martin   asznegva@snf.uneineq.rqh
> Nothing happens in contradiction to nature, only in contradiction to
> what we know of it.
>                ----Special Agent Dana Scully, the X-files
> 
> 


-- 
ovyyq@qbn.arg ovyyq@ibvprarg.pbz  (Bill D) "Yesterday, apropos of nothing,
one friend said to me 'Do you ever have days where you just want to get
everyone you know together in one place, have them all take off their
clothes, and let nature take its course?'" --Susan Groppi