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Humor (no moto content)
05/01/1997
If People Bought Cars the Way They Buy Computers...
Helpline: General Motors Help Line. How can I help you?
Customer: I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing
happened.
Helpline: Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?
Customer: What's an ignition?
Helpline: It's a starter motor that draws current from your
battery and turns over the engine.
Customer: Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to
know all of those technical terms just to use my car?
Helpline: General Motors Help Line. How can I help you?
Customer: My car ran fine for a week but now it won't go
anywhere!
Helpline: Is the gas tank empty?
Customer: Huh? How do I know?
Helpline: There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a
needle and markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where's the needle
pointing?
Customer: It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?
Helpline: It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and
purchase some more gasoline. You can install it
yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you.
Customer: What! I paid $12,000 for this car. Now you tell me
that I have to keep buying more components? I wanted
a car with everything built in!
Helpline: General Motors Help Line. How can I help you?
Customer: Your cars suck!
Helpline: What's wrong?
Customer: It crashed, that's what's wrong.
Helpline: What were you doing?
Customer: I wanted to go faster, so I pushed the accelerator
pedal to the floor. It worked for a while, but then it
crashed. Now it won't start!
Helpline: It's your responsibility if you misuse the product.
What do you expect us to do about it?
Customer: I want you to send me one of the latest versions that
doesn't crash anymore.
Helpline: General Motors Help Line. How can I help you?
Customer: Hi, I just bought my first car and I chose your car
because it has automatic transmission, cruise control,
power steering, power brakes and power door locks.
Helpline: Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?
Customer: How do I work it?
Helpline: Do you know how to drive?
Customer: Do I know to what?
Helpline: Do you know how to drive?
Customer: I'm not a technical person, I just want to go places.
Your mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open.
--------------------
Mike <ynzoreg@wrby.pbz> DoD #1936 GS850something
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