Toasters (fwd)

Some good humor that was sent to me.  Headers removed to protecte
the guilty.  :)

> If you have seen it, sorry. if not enjoy. 
> 
>  If IBM made toasters...
>  They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be
>  submitted for overnight toasting.  IBM would claim a worldwide market
>  for five, maybe six toasters.
>  
> If Xerox made toasters...
> You could toast one-sided or double-sided. Successive slices would get
> lighter and lighter. The toaster would jam your bread for you.
>  
> If Radio Shack made toasters...
> The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about it.  Or
> you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster.
>  
>  If Oracle made toasters...
>  They'd claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and styles
>  of bread, but when you got it home you'd discover the Bagel Engine was
>  still in development, the Croissant Extension was three years away,
>   and that indeed the whole appliance was just blowing smoke.
>  
>  If Sun made toasters...
>  The toast would burn often, but you could get a really good cuppa
>  Java.
>  
>  Does DEC still make toasters?...
>  They made good toasters in the '80s, didn't they?
>  
>  If Hewlett-Packard made toasters...
>  They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast and
>  gives you regular bread.
>  
> If Tandem made toasters... You could make toast 24 hours a day, and if a
> piece got burned the
> toaster would automatically toast you a new one.
>  
> If Thinking Machines made toasters...
>  You would be able to toast 64,000 pieces of bread at the same time.
>  
> If Cray made toasters...
> They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other
> single-slice toaster in the world.
>  
> If The Rand Corporation made toasters...
> It would be a large, perfectly smooth and seamless black cube. Every
> morning there would be a piece of toast on top of it.  Their service
> department would have an unlisted phone number, and the blueprints for
> the box would be highly classified government documents. The X-Files 
> would have an episode about it.
>  
> If the NSA made toasters...
> Your toaster would have a secret trap door that only the NSA could
> access in case they needed to get at your toast for reasons of
> national security.
>  
> If Sony made toasters...
> The ToastMan, which would be barely larger than the single piece of
> bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently attached to your belt.
>  
> If Timex made toasters...
> They would be cheap and small quartz-crystal wrist toasters that take
> a licking and keep on toasting.
>  
> If Fisher Price made toasters...
> "Baby's First Toaster" would have a hand-crank that you turn to toast
> the bread that pops up like a Jack-in-the-box.
>  
> If the Franklin Mint made toasters...
> Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted piece of
> your authentic hand-crafted Civil War pewter toaster.
>  
> If CostCo made toasters...
> They'd be really cheap, as long as you bought a six-pack of 'em.
>  
> And, of course:
>  
> If Microsoft made toasters...
> Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a
> toaster.  You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have
> to pay for it anyway.  Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence
> requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to
> power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would
> claim to be the first toaster that lets you control how light or dark
> you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other
> appliances to find out who made them.  Everyone would hate Microsoft
> toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread 
> only works with their toasters.
>  
> If Apple made toasters...
> It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years
> earlier.
>  
> And if AOL made toasters...
> It would say " Welcome, You have toast! " every time you used it.
>