Boston -Forwarded (fwd)

>
>If you're from Boston:
>You'll know who the cahdnal is, how to take the T to JP and what the
>blinking red light atop the old Hancock Building means in the summer.
>And if you're smaht, you'll know how not to get cahded at the packie.
>Herewith, a survival guide to Bawstin:
>How we tok:
>We don't speak English. We speak whatever they brought over here from
>East Anglia in 1630. The Bawstin accent is basically the broad A and
>the dropped R, which we add to words ending in A - pahster, Cuber,
>soder. For the broad A, just open your mouth and say ''ah,'' like the
>docta says.
>So car is cah, park is pahk. If you want to talk like the mayah,
>repeat after me:
>''My ahnt takes her bahth at hahpast foah. ''
>
>When we say: \We mean:...
>bzah\odd
>flahwiz\roses, etc.
>hahpahst\30 minutes after the hour
>Hahwahya?\How are you?
>khakis\what we staht the cah with
>pissa\superb
>retahded\silly
>shuah\of course
>wikkid\extremely
>yiz\you, plural
>
>How we'll know you weren't bon heah:
>You wear a Harvard sweatshirt.
>You cross at a crosswalk.
>
>You ask directions to ''Cheers.''
>You order a grinder and a soda.
>You pronounce it ''Worchester.''
>You walk the Freedom Trail.
>You call it ''Copely'' Square.
>You go to BU.
>
>Getting around:
>Boston is a mishmosh of 17th-century cow paths and 19th-century
>landfill penned in by water. You know, ''One if by land, two if by
>sea.'' Charlestown? Cahn't get theyah from heah. And which Warren
>Street do you want? We have three plus three Warren Avenues, three
>Warren Squares, a Warren Park, and a Warren Place.
>Pay no attention to the street names. There's no school on School
>Street, no court on Court Steet, no dock on Dock Square, no water on
>Water Street.
>Back Bay streets are in alphabetical odda. Arlington, Berkeley,
>Clarendon, Dartmouth. So are South Boston streets: A, B, C, D. If the
>streets are named after trees (Walnut, Chestnut, Cedar), you're on
>Beacon Hill. If they're named after poets, you're in Wellesley.
>Dot is Dorchester, Rozzie is Roslindale, JP is Jamaica Plain.
>Readville doesn't exist.
>The North-East-South-West thing:
>Southie is South Boston. The South End is the South End.
>The North End is east of the West End.
>The West End is no more. A guy named Rappaport got rid of it one
>night.
>Eastie is East Boston. The East End is Boston Harbor.
>
>About our ''cuisine'':
>Boston cream pie is a cake.
>Frappes have ice cream; milk shakes don't. Chowdah does not come with
>tomatoes.
>Soda is club soda. Pop is Dad. If it's fizzy and flavored, it's
>tonic.
>When we mean tonic water, we say tonic water.
>Scrod is whatever they tell you it is, usually fish. If you paid more
>than $6 a pound, you got scrod.
>Brown bread comes in a can. You open both ends, push it out, heat it,
>and eat it with baked beans.
>They're hot dogs. Franks were people who lived in France in the ninth
>century.
>
>Things not to do:
>  Don't call it Beantown.
>  Don't pahk your cah in Hahvid Yahd. They'll tow it to Meffa.
>  Don't swim in the Charles, no matter what Bill Weld tells you.
>  Don't sleep in the Common.
>  Don't wear orange in Southie on St. Patrick's Day.
>  Don't call the mayah ''Mumbles.'' He hates that.
>  Don't ask what she's majoring in. You don't care.
>
>Things you should know:
>  There are two State Houses, two City Halls, two courthouses, two
>  Hancock  buildings. There's also a  Boston Latin School and a Boston
>  Latin Academy.   How should we know which one you mean?
>  Route 128 is also I-95. It is also I-93.
>  It's the Sox, the Pats (or Patsies), the Seltz, the  Broons.
>  The Harvard Bridge goes to MIT. It's measured in `smoots.'
>  Johnson never should have hit for Willoughby.
>The subway doesn't run all night. This isn't Noo Yawk.
>
>