International Institute of Answering Machine Answers. (fwd)

---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Mon, 29 Jun 1998 15:22:22 -0400 (EDT)
From: Sarah Bridges <fnenuo@AZE.ZTU.Uneineq.RQH>
To: Jeff Yaus <wlnhf@znvy.jrfyrlna.rqh>
Subject: International Institute of Answering Machine Answers. (fwd)



My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave

your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.



A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're

not here. So leave a message.



 Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the

money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid

institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you

owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.



 (Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the

telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet

paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms windmilling at incredible

speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain.

The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message.



"Hi. Now you say something."



(From my Japanese friend in Toronto) He-lo! This is Sa-to. If you

leave message, I call you soon. If you leave *sexy* message, I call sooner!



 "Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.

Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of

these magnets."



 "Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped

with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you want

anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone."



"Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving

messages.  My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their
carpets are

clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their

picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they

will get back to you."



 "Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave

me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you."



 "Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now.

Leave  a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back."



 "If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons

right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home

and it's safe to leave us a message."


 Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya.  We can't pick up the phone right

now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up

and down, and I like doing it left to right ... real slowly.  So leave a

message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.