win98

Greetings:

>From rec.humor.oracle....

MJB

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The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most wise, Whos brain is large enough to aquire all the
> knowlage of a 1119 page instruction manual and explain it to the meek
> who have great hopes with little substance, How can I convince windows
> 98 to network with an ancient windows 95 token ring ?? Or should I
> snake new cables through the whole building and start from scratch with
> an ethernet ??
>
> Desprate,
> Blafienemo

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Ah, Supplicant, Your heart is in the right place, but I see you still
} have much to learn.
} The problem here, as I see it, is that you are approaching this task
} from the wrong angle.  Your end goal is "How do I make the users on
} this network happy".  If you've been paying attention to the article of
} Rhod, your goal should instead be "How do I make my position secure,
} with as little work as possible, while hopefully obtaining the largest
} amount of tribute, So that I may spend more time in service to the
} Oracle".
}
} Once we look at it from this point of view, the solution is, of course,
} Obvious:
}
} Step one:  Modify all computers so they use the "Please wait while
} Windows98 starts" instead of the "Please wait while Windows95 starts"
} splash screen. The users will never notice any other difference between
} the two, anyway.
}
} Step two:  Charge the company a nominal fee of 89 dollars per computer
} to purchase "Upgrade" licenses of Windows 98.  Send half of this to the
} Oracle, pocket the rest.
}
} Step three:  Climb up in the cielings, through the walls, and into wire
} closets.  Claim the company now runs on "Fast Ethernet", and that you
} have completed the rewiring yourself, since the old wiring was
} incompatible with Windows98, which is the new standard.  Charge the
} company for several hubs, switches, and a couple miles of Ethernet
} cable.  Send half of this to the Oracle, pocket the remainder.  (NOTE:
} A truly enterprising Rhodite would accomplish the "rewiring" in the
} evenings/weekends, thus obtaining overtime pay for time spent cruising
} the local bars.)
}
} Step four:  Secure your position.  Anytime anyone attempts to bring up
} a Win98 machine on the network, and fails, give several loud snorts,
} act annoyed, then "upgrade" the computer to your "Special" version of
} windows (See step one).  Mention that you can't belive that you are the
} only one able to fix anything on this network.
}
} Before too long, the users will hail you as a deity.  Problem solved,
} money made, and everyone is happy.
}
} You owe the Oracle a cut of the profits, and a subscription to the
} "Bastard Operator from Hell (BOFH)" newsletter.