Fwd: FW: IT'S A WONDERFUL MACHINE

>>                    IT'S A WONDERFUL MACHINE
>>         The Sweetest Christmas Movie Frank Capra Never Made
>>                                -by David Pogue
>>
>>  I guess I shouldn't have gone to a party where the eggnog was spiked, and
>>  maybe I shouldn't have watched the movie It's a Wonderful Life while
>>  leafing through MacWeek. But anyway, I had the weirdest dream last night
>>  --
>>  like a bizarre black-and-white movie that went like this: Jimmy Stewart
>>  stars as Steve "Jobs" Bailey, who runs a beleaguered but beloved
>> small-town
>>  computer company. For years, big monopolist Bill "Gates" Potter has been
>>  wielding his power and money to gain control of the town. And for years,
>>  Steve has fought for survival: "This town needs my measly, one-horse
>>  computer, if only to have something for people to use instead of
>> Windows!"
>>
>>  But now an angry mob is banging on Apple's front door, panicking. "The
>>  press says your company is doomed!" yells one man. "You killed the
>> clones!
>>  We're going to Windows!" calls another. "We want out of our investment!"
>>  they shout.
>>
>>  Steve, a master showman, calms them. "Don't do it! If Potter gets
>> complete
>>  control of the desktop, you'll be forced to buy his bloatware and pay for
>>  his cruddy upgrades forever! We can get through this, but we've got to
>> have
>>  faith and stick together!" The crowd decides to give him one more chance.
>>
>>  But the day before Christmas, something terrible happens: On his way to
>> the
>>  bank, the company's financial man, Uncle Gilly, somehow manages to lose
>>  $1.7 billion. With eyes flashing, Steve grabs the befuddled Gilly by the
>>  lapels. "Where's that money, you stupid old fool? Don't you realize what
>>  this means? It means bankruptcy and scandal! Get out of my company -- and
>>  don't come back!"
>>
>>  Desperate and afraid, Steve heads to Martini's, a local Internet cafe,
>> and
>>  drowns his sorrows in an iced cappuccino. Surfing the Web at one of the
>>  cafe's Macs, all he finds online is second-guessing, sniping by critics,
>>  and terrible market-share numbers.
>>
>>  As a blizzard rages, Steve drives his car crazily toward the river. "Oh,
>>  what's the use?!" he exclaims. "We've lost the war. Windows rules the
>>  world. After everything I've worked for, the Mac is going to be
>>  obliterated! Think of all the passion and effort these last 15 years --
>>  wasted! Think of the billions of dollars, hundreds of companies, millions
>>  of people...." He stands on the bridge, staring at the freezing, roiling
>>  river below -- and finally hurls himself over the railing.
>>
>>  After a moment of floundering in the chilly water, however, he's pulled
>> to
>>  safety by a bulbous-nosed oddball. "Who are you?!" Steve splutters
>>  angrily.
>>
>>  "Name's Clarence -- I mean Claris," says the guy. "I'm your guardian
>> angel.
>>  I've been sent down to help you -- it's my last chance to earn my wings."
>>
>>  "Nobody can help me," says Steve bitterly. "If I hadn't created the Mac,
>>  everybody'd be a lot happier: Mr. Potter, the media, even our customers.
>>  Hell, we'd all be better off if the Mac had never been invented at all!"
>>
>>  Music swirls. The wind howls. The tattoo on Steve's right buttock -- Buzz
>>  Lightyear from Toy Story -- vanishes.
>>
>>  Steve pats the empty pocket where he usually carries his Newton. "What
>>  gives?"
>>
>>  "You've got your wish," says Claris. "You never invented the Mac. It
>> never
>>  existed. You haven't a care in the world."
>>
>>  "Look, little fella, go off and haunt somebody else," Steve mutters. He
>>  heads over to Martini's Internet cafe for a good stiff drink. But he's
>>  shocked at the difference inside. "My God, look at the people using these
>>  computers! Both of them -- they look like math professors!"
>>
>>  "They are," says Claris.
>>
>>  "What is this, a museum? It looks like those computers are running DOS!"
>>
>>  "Good eye!" says Claris. "DOS version 25.01, in fact -- the very latest."
>>
>>  "I don't get it," Steve says.
>>
>>  "DOS is a lot better and faster these days, but it hasn't occurred to
>>  anybody to market a computer with icons and menus yet. There's no such
>>  thing as Windows -- after all, there never was a Mac interface for
>>  Microsoft to copy."
>>
>>  "But this equipment is ancient!" Steve exclaims. "No sound, no CD-ROM
>>  drive, not even 3.5-inch floppies!"
>>
>>  "Those aren't antiques!" Claris says. "They're state-of-the-art TRS-80s,
>>  complete with the latest 12X, 5-inch-floppy drives. Don't forget, Steve:
>>  The Mac introduced and standardized all that good stuff you named."
>>
>>  "But that's nuts!" Steve explodes. "You mean to tell me that the 46
>> percent
>>  of American households with computers are all using DOS?"
>>
>>  "Correction: All 9 percent of American households," says Claris
>> cheerfully.
>>  "Without a graphic interface, computers are still too complicated to be
>>  popular."
>>
>>  "Bartender!" shouts Steve. "You don't have a copy of Wired here, do you?
>>  I've got to read up on this crazy reality!"
>>
>>  The bartender glares. "I don't know what you're wired on, pal, but either
>>  stop talking crazy or get outta my shop."
>>
>>  "No such thing as Wired," whispers Claris. "Never was. Before you wished
>>  the Mac away, most magazines were produced entirely on the Mac. Besides,
>>  Wired would be awfully thin without the Web."
>>
>>  "Without the -- now, wait just a minute!" Horrified, Steve rushes over to
>>  one of the PCs and connects to the Internet. "You call this the Net? It
>>  looks like a text-only BBS -- and there's practically nobody online!
>>  Where's Navigator? Where's Internet Explorer? Where's the Web, for Pete's
>>  sake?"
>>
>>  "Oh, I see," Claris smiles sympathetically. "You must be referring to all
>>  those technologies that spun off from the concept of a graphic interface.
>>  Look, Steve. Until the Mac made the mouse standard, there was no such
>> thing
>>  as point and click. And without clicking, there could be no Web...  and
>> no
>>  Web companies. Believe it or not, Marc Andreesen works in a Burger King
>> in
>>  Cincinnati."
>>
>>  Steve scoffs. "Well, look, if you apply that logic, then PageMaker
>> wouldn't
>>  exist either. Photoshop, Illustrator, FreeHand, America Online, digital
>>  movies -- all that stuff began life on the Mac."
>>
>>  "You're getting it," Claris says. He holds up a copy of Time magazine.
>>  "Check out the cover price."
>>
>>  Steve gasps. "Eight bucks? They've got a lot of nerve!"
>>
>>  "Labor costs. They're still pasting type onto master pages with hot wax."
>>
>>  "You're crazy!" screams Steve. "I'm going back to my office at Apple!" He
>>  drives like a madman back to Cupertino--but the sign that greets him
>> there
>>  doesn't say, "Welcome to Apple." It says, "Welcome to Microsoft South."
>>
>>  "Sorry, Steve; Apple went out of business in 1985," says Claris. "You
>> see,
>>  you really did have a wonderful machine! See what a mistake it was to
>> wish
>>  it away?"
>>
>>  Steve is sobbing, barely listening. "OK, then -- I'll go to my office at
>> Pixar!"
>>
>>  "You don't have an office at Pixar," Claris reminds him. "There was no
>> Mac
>>  to make you rich enough to buy Pixar!"
>>
>>  Steve has had enough. He rushes desperately back to the icy bridge over
>> the
>>  river. "Please, God, bring it back! Bring it back! I don't care about
>>  market share! Please! I want the Mac to live again!"
>>
>>  Music, wind, heavenly voices -- and then snow begins softly falling.
>>
>>  "Hey, Steve! You all right?" calls out Steve's friend Larry from a
>> passing
>>  helicopter. Steve pats his pocket -- the Newton is there again! It's all
>>  back! Steve runs through the town, delirious with joy. "Merry Christmas,
>>  Wired! Merry Christmas, Internet! Merry Christmas, wonderful old
>>  Microsoft!"
>>
>>  And now his office is filled with smiling people whose lives the Mac has
>>  touched. There's old Mr. Chiat/Day the adman. There's Yanni the musician.
>>  And there's Mr. Spielberg the moviemaker. As the Apple board starts
>> singing
>>  "Auld Lang Syne," somebody boots up a Power Mac.
>>
>>  Steve smiles at the startup sound. "You know what they say," he tells the
>>  crowd. "Every time you hear a startup chime, an angel just got his
>> wings."