> Financial News M&A
>
> Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and
> acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that
> Christmas and Chanukah would merge. An industry source said that
> the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years, ever since the
> rise of the Muslim Empire.
>
> While details were not available at press time, it is believed that
> the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days
> of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining
> forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently
> high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Christmukah, as the
> new holiday is being called. Massive layoffs are expected, with
> lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit.
>
> As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl,
> currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming
> unintelligible to a wider audience. Also, instead of translating to
> "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreydl will be
> the more generic "Miraculous stuff happens." In exchange, it is
> believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast
> merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts. In
> fact, one of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at
> least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish
> children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having
> eaten meat for dinner.
>
> A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally declared to
> be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.
>
> A spokesman for Christmas, Inc. declined to say whether a
> takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He
> merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence
> of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Chanukah might indeed
> be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately
> for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the
> competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading
> all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy, Come All Ye Faithful."