Exam

THEOLOGICAL ENGINEERING EXAM 101
   5 Questions, 60 Minutes.

You may use a calculator, the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, and the Book 
of Mormon. The speed of light is c. Show all work. For all problems, 
assume a perfectly spherical Jesus of constant density D. No praying 
during the exam.

1. (20 pts.) Bob and Joe are standing on a street corner. God loves each 
an equal amount L. Bob then accelerates to .9c. In Joe's rest frame, how 
much does God now love Bob?

2. Sven, a Catholic, is in a state of grace. He then has sex with sheep S.
   a. (8 pts.) What is Sven's atonement coefficient following the act if 
the sheep was not willing?
   b. (12 pts.) What if the sheep, while not technically being willing, 
could not be said to mind either?

3. (20 pts.) Let the eternal, all abiding love of the Holy Spirit be the 
xy plane. Let Sue's soul be at (0,0,5) at t = 0 sec., traveling at 5 m/s 
in the direction of the positive z axis. Everything is in Cartesian 
coordinates bespeaking subscription to a perfectly rational Enlightenment 
attitude towards the Universe. At what time t will Sue be saved? (Hint: 
Assume a point soul.)

4. (20 pts.) Assume the Rapture occurs at time t. Cornelia, a saved human 
weighing 90 kg, in a state of grace, has her head in the closing jaws of 
an alligator at time t. What mass of meat will remain to the alligator at 
time t + 10 sec.?

5. Stan is a frictionless, massless Mormon in a rest state. His sin level 
for his faith is currently 11 McBeals. He eats .3 kg of pork, and enjoys 
it very much. Assume that the Jews are right about, well, pretty much, 
everything.
   a. (10 pts.) What is Stan's sin level now?
   b. (10 pts.) Stan is one of them Salt Lake City Mormons. He ain't so
damn smug now, is he?

Extra Credit (10 pts): 25 grams of wafers and 20 ml of cheap wine undergo 
transubstantiation and become the flesh and blood of our Lord. How many 
Joules of heat are released by the transformation?