Fwd: Grandma? (fwd)

attributions at the bottom for a change :)

reg



---------- Forwarded message ----------

  The Top 16 Signs Your Grandmother May be a Serial Killer


16 That Afghan she's been knitting?  100% human hair. 

15 Bone fragments in her mincemeat pies.

14 A sudden fondness for serving Figgy Pudding, while Mr. Figgy 
    down the road has been missing for over a week.

13 Complains that her freezer just doesn't have enough head room.

12 Trash bags of "rose clippings" are awfully damn heavy and 
    smell like hell.

11 Her collection of antique thimbles includes thumbs.

10 After every evening homicide report, carves another notch in 
    the arm of her rocker.

 9 Doesn't serve Crab Louie on Melba toast, serves Louie and Melba.

 8 Arrives at her own surgery with replacement organs in-hand.

 7 Mistakenly served her bridge club actual lady fingers.

 6 You've never heard of a church that has midnight mass EVERY 
    night.

 5 Nothing to show for her six marriages except a well-stocked
    freezer.

 4 You don't get homemade chicken noodle soup, you get
    head-of-the-kid-next-door-who-wouldn't-turn-his-radio-down soup.

 3 Has a bumper sticker that reads: "Ask me about my latest victim."

 2 That funny feeling you get when she's in her room with the lights
    off and "Helter Skelter" turned up full blast on the ol' Victrola.


and the Number 1 Sign Your Grandmother May be a Serial Killer...


1 Accidentally sends you her manifesto and mails a letter about 
   her hip replacement to the Washington Post.


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