war of the sexes? (fwd)

     This assignment was actually turned in by two English students:
     
     Rebecca (last name deleted) and Gary (last name deleted) English 44A
     SMU
     Creative Writing
     Prof Miller
     
                       In-class Assignment for Wednesday 
     Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.  The 
     process is simple.  Each person will pair off with the person sitting 
     to his or her immediate right.  One of you will then write the first 
     paragraph of a short story.  The partner will read the first paragraph 
     and then add another paragraph to the story.  The first person will 
     then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.  Remember to 
     reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story 
     coherent.  The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been 
     reached.   
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     At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted.  The 
     camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now 
     reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that 
     he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her 
     mind off Carl.  His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought 
     about him too much her asthma started acting up again.  So camomile 
     was out of the question.
     
     Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron 
     now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about 
     than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with 
     whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.  "A.S. Harris to 
     Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar 
     orbit established.  No sign of resistance so far..." But before he 
     could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and 
     blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay.  The jolt from the direct 
     hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.  
     
     He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt 
     one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who 
     had ever had feelings for him.  Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its 
     pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. 
     "Congress Passes
     Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel." Laurie read in her 
     newspaper one morning.  The news simultaneously excited her and bored 
     her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth -- when the days 
     had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no 
     television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all 
     the beautiful things around her.  "Why must one lose one's innocence 
     to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
     
     Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live. 
     Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched 
     the first of its lithium fusion missiles.  The dim-witted wimpy 
     peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty 
     through Congress had left
     Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were 
     determined to destroy the human race.  Within two hours after the 
     passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, 
     carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet.  With no one 
     to stop them they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan.  The 
     lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded.  The 
     President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the 
     ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive 
     explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The 
     President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow 
     this!  I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow'em out of the sky!"
     
     This is absurd.  I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My 
     writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
     
     Yeah?  Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at 
     writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. 
     
     You total $*&.
     
     Stupid %&#$!.