movie industry quotes

Bizarre Telephone Conversations

By Anita M. Busch 

HOLLYWOOD (Variety) - It's time, once again, for the semiannual quotes
from all of you that made the last few months of reporting a little
livelier. 

All the conversations actually happened, but the names have been
withheld to protect you guys. 

******

REPORTER: You tell me one thing one day, and the next day you tell me
something completely different. 

STUDIO EXEC: How do you know that's what I said? Do you write things
down? 

REPORTER: It's my job to remember what people say. I think we could work
better together if you'd tell me the truth. 

STUDIO EXEC: Are you calling me a liar? What I tell you is never a lie.
It might be double-speak, but it's never a lie! 

******

REPORTER: I heard that there is some dissension among the top agents at
your agency on how to run the company, and I heard (details of a meeting
that took place). 

AGENT: It's not true! It's not true! 

REPORTER: Look, I'm not going to run a story. 

AGENT: You're not going to run it? 

REPORTER: No. 

AGENT: OK, then there's a kernel of truth to what you've said. 

******

REPORTER: I think it's really cool that you hired an unknown actress to
play the lead in your movie. 

PRODUCER: Well, I figured I'd give the kid a break. Besides, she's one
of us. 

REPORTER: What do you mean? 

PRODUCER: She's Jewish. 

REPORTER: (long pause) I'm not Jewish. 

PRODUCER: Oh. I thought you were. 

******

CALLER: I have a major story about Mickey Rourke doing my Hell's Angels
project. 

REPORTER: OK. Who's the distributor? 

CALLER: There is no company. It's me. 

REPORTER: Well, uh -- who's financing the picture? 

CALLER: No one. 

REPORTER: Who's your agent? 

CALLER: I don't have one. 

REPORTER: And Mickey Rourke is interested? 

CALLER: Well, he's stood me up three times, but I know he wants to do
the picture. 

******

AGENT'S ASSISTANT: I'm stressed. 

REPORTER: Over what? 

AGENT'S ASSISTANT: I'm stressed over not being stressed. 

REPORTER: Well, if I can do anything to stress you out, let me know. 

ASSISTANT: No, you don't understand. I went on vacation this weekend. I
relaxed, and it's wrong. I'm supposed to have knots in my stomach. I'm
young. I'm supposed to have that. 

******

AGENT: Can you write something about my client? We' re in competition
for the Academy Award, and we're trying to do a big push for him. 

REPORTER: Well, it might be better to take out an ad. 

AGENT: Well, we're doing that too, but if you could write something... 

REPORTER: Well, I just can't write something unless there is news, you
see, and... Is there any news? Is there any project that he is
negotiating for or something? 

AGENT: No. 

REPORTER: Well, I just can't write something to promote him. That's not
how journalism works. 

AGENT: (long pause) I thought we were friends. 

******

REPORTER: Client information, please. 

CAA: OK. Hold on. (Transfer and disconnect.) 

REPORTER: (Calling back): Yeah. I was trying to get to client
information, but I accidentally got disconnected. 

CAA: That's what happens when they aren't there. 

REPORTER: What do you mean? 

CAA: If they aren't there, the line will automatically hang up on you. 

******

REPORTER: I need your comment or no comment on this statement regarding
the future reporting structure at your company. 

CORPORATE SPOKESWOMAN: I would say that that is a rumor that I can't
confirm. 

REPORTER: So that's your quote? 

CS: Oh, no. I'm not a spokesperson. 

REPORTER: Actually, yes you are. That's your job. I'm calling you
because you're the spokesperson for the company and I'm asking you for a
comment. So, do you want to say 'no comment' or have some other kind of
comment? 

CS: Uh, I don't know what to do.' 

******

FORMER STUDIO EXEC: It would be inappropriate for me to comment. 

REPORTER: Why? 

EXEC: It would be inappropriate for me to tell you why it would be
inappropriate for me to comment. 

******

CREATIVE EXECUTIVE: What's going on? 

REPORTER: Not much. It's kind of boring. 

CREATIVE EXEC: I need to ask you a favor. 

REPORTER: OK, what? 

CREATIVE EXEC: I'm having lunch with (my boss) and I, uh -- Can you tell
me something important or juicy that I can act like I heard, that I can
impress him with? 

******

REPORTER: What's the storyline on the script? 

STUDIO EXEC: I'll answer you, but you have to answer my question first.
What are you wearing? 

REPORTER: Huh? I'm not going to tell you that. 

EXEC: Come on. A skirt or pants? 

REPORTER: I'm not telling you. 

EXEC: It's hardly an obscene question. You won't tell me if it's a skirt
or pants, and I'm supposed to be your story department? 

******

STUDIO EXEC: God, I just hired this woman with this amazing body. She
has great tits and a nice ass, and it's really distracting. Wait a
second, I have to shut the door. (shuts the door and comes back to the
phone) It makes me realize that there are things more important than
work. 

REPORTER: -- and your marriage. 

STUDIO EXEC: (laughs) Yeah, that too.