FW: Chicken!

so here i am on a friday... at work... trying to write a report... the
entire effort is giving me a headache the size of texas... then lo-and-behold
my father sends me this email... and it had me *cracking* up!!!
so for all the elboids who are getting the proverbial friday afternoon
pounding, i hope you enjoy this.... 

-- tanya  :-) 



Subject: Chicken! (fwd)



*Why did the chicken cross the road?

Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American

Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone
ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all
over the place anyway?"

The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the Chicken,
"Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was
much rejoicing.

Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why?
 The ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive  there was.

Machiavelli #2:  So that its subjects will view it with admiration,  as a
chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road,  but also
with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a
paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion
maintained.

Timothy Leary:  Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would
let it take.

Carl Jung:  The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated
that individual chickens cross roads at this historical  juncture, and,
therefore, synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

John Locke: Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.

Albert Camus: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning
except to him.

ReddWine:  Huh? What chicken? You callin me a chicken? Yo mamma!

Freud: The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals
your underlying sexual insecurity.

Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected
in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.

Darwin #2:  It was the logical next step after coming down from the  trees.

Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken
did not cross the road.

Oliver Stone: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but
is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in
our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

The Pope: That is only for God to know.

Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The
chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free
to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Immanuel Kant: The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the
road of his own free will.

Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road Someone
told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for
us.

Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross
roads AND balance your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets
1.4999999999.

M.C.Escher: That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the
time.

George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he
was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving
their interests.

Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also
 across you.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed
the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.

Emily Dickenson: Because it could not stop for death.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Saddam Hussein:  This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Joseph Stalin:  I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.

O.J.  It didn't.  I was playing golf with it at the time.




>