(Fwd) Things NOT to put on your resume

------- Forwarded Message Follows -------
THE FOLLOWING LINES ARE FROM ACTUAL RESUMES, WHICH SHOULD NOT BE
INCLUDED:
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"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them
know of my immediate availability."

"Qualifications:  I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I
can act on short notice.  I'm a class act and do not come cheap."

"I intentionally omitted my salary history.  I've made money and lost
money.
 I've been rich and I've been poor.  I prefer being rich."

"Note:  Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'.  I have
never quit a job."

"Personal:  I'm married with 9 children.  I don't require prescription
drugs."

"Number of dependents:  40."

"Marital Status:  Often.  Children:  Various."



RESUME BLOOPERS:
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"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."


REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB:
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"Responsibility makes me nervous."

"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning
and I couldn't work under those conditions."

"Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as
cockroaches."

"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."

"The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous
employers."



JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:
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"While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am
decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially
incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be
configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more
rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of
responsibility."


SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB ACTIVITIES:
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"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer
does not know I am looking for another job."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist.  But since I have no training in
meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant."


PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:
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"Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep."

PERSONAL INTERESTS:
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"Donating blood.  14 gallons so far."


TYPOS THAT CHANGE THE MEANING:
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"Education:  College, August 1880-May 1984."

"Work Experience:  Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse."

"Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget."

"I'm a rabid typist."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain
operation."

"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."

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Bob Bruhin O-                                             oehuvao@sbex.bet
                      http://www.fork.org/~bruhinb/