(Fwd) Creation

------- Forwarded Message Follows -------
Date:          Sun, 23 Nov 1997 14:37:33 -0800
Subject:       Creation

> The Book of Creation
> 
> Chapter 1
> 
> 1    In the beginning God created Dates.
> 
> 2    And the date was Monday, July 4, 4004 BC.
> 
> 3    And God said, let there be light; and there was light. And when there
>      was Light, God saw the Date, that it was Monday, and he got down to
>      work; for verily, he had a Big Job to do.
> 
> 4    And God made pottery shards and Silurian mollusks and pre-Cambrian
>      limestone strata; and flints and Jurassic Mastodon tusks and
>      Picanthopus erectus skulls and Cretaceous placentals made he; and
>      those cave paintings at Lasceaux. And that was that, for the first
>      Work Day.
> 
> 5    And God saw that he had made many wondrous things, but that he had
>      not wherein to put it all. And God said, Let the heavens be divided
>      from the earth; and let us bury all of these Things which we have
>      made in the earth; but not too deep.
> 
> 6    And God buried all the Things which he had made, and that was that.
> 
> 7    And the morning and the evening and the overtime were Tuesday.
> 
> 8    And God said, Let there be water; and let the dry land appear; and
>      that was that.
> 
> 9    And God called the dry land Real Estate; and the water called he the
>      Sea. And in the land and beneath it put he crude oil, grades one
>      through six; and natural gas put he thereunder, and prehistoric
>      carboniferous forests yielding anthracite and other ligneous matter;
>      and all these called he Resources; and he made them Abundant.
> 
> 10   And likewise all that was in the sea, even unto two hundred miles
>      from the dry land, called he resources; all that was therein, like
>      manganese nodules, for instance.
> 
> 11   And the morning unto the evening had been a long day; which he called
>      Wednesday.
> 
> 12   And God said, Let the earth bring forth abundantly every moving
>      creature I can think of, with or without backbones, with or without
>      wings or feet, or fins or claws, vestigial limbs and all, right now;
>      and let each one be of a separate species. For lo, I can make
>      whatsoever I like, whensoever I like.
> 
> 13   And the earth brought forth abundantly all creatures, great and
>      small, with and without backbones, with and without wings and feet
>      and fins and claws, vestigial limbs and all, from bugs to
>      brontosauruses.
> 
> 14   But God blessed them all, saying, Be fruitful and multiply and Evolve
>      Not.
> 
> 15   And God looked upon the species he hath made, and saw that the earth
>      was exceedingly crowded, and he said unto them, Let each species
>      compete for what it needed; for Healthy Competition is My Law. And
>      the species competeth amongst themselves, the cattle and the creeping
>      things; and some madeth it and some didn't; and the dogs ate the
>      dinosaurs and God was pleased.
> 
> 16   And God took the bones from the dinosaurs, and caused them to appear
>      mighty old; and cast he them about the land and the sea. And he took
>      every tiny creature that had not madeth it, and caused them to become
>      fossils; and cast he them about likewise.
> 
> 17   And just to put matters beyond the valley of the shadow of a doubt
>      God created carbon dating. And this is the origin of species.
> 
> 18   And in the Evening of the day which was Thursday, God saw that he had
>      put in another good day's work.
> 
> 19   And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness, which
>      is tall and well-formed and pale of hue: and let us also make
>      monkeys, which resembleth us not in any wise, but are short and
>      ill-formed and hairy. And God added, Let man have dominion over the
>      monkeys and the fowl of the air and every species, endangered or
>      otherwise.
> 
> 20   So God created Man in His own image; tall and well-formed and pale of
>      hue created He him, and nothing at all like the monkeys.
> 
> 21   And God said, Behold I have given you every herb bearing seed, which
>      is upon the face of the earth. But ye shalt not smoketh it, lest it
>      giveth you ideas.
> 
> 22   And to every beast of the earth and every fowl of the air I have
>      given also every green herb, and to them it shall be for meat. But
>      they shall be for you. And the Lord God your Host suggesteth that the
>      flesh of cattle goeth well with that of the fin and the claw; thus
>      shall Surf be wedded unto Turf.
> 
> 23   And God saw everything he had made, and he saw that it was very good;
>      and God said, It just goes to show Me what the private sector can
>      accomplish. With a lot of fool regulations this could have taken
>      billions of years.
> 
> 24   And the evening of the fifth day, which had been the roughest day
>      yet, God said, Thank me it's Friday. And God made the weekend.
> 
>    Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain without the
> express written consent of the Lord thy God. The name "the Lord thy God"
> is the sole property of the Lord thy God. Any use of the name of the Lord
> thy God without the express written consent of the Lord thy God is
> unauthorised and illegal and shall be punish by the Lord thy God.


------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bob Bruhin O-                                           oehuvao@sbex.bet
                     http://www.fork.org/~bruhinb/
 
          I met this wonderful girl at Macy's.  She was buying
          clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.  
          -- Steven Wright