FW: Young Deep Thoughts

> >Young Deep Thoughts
> >       -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-      
> >From an actual newspaper contest where entrants ages  4 to 15  were 
> >asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy."
> 
> >I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is
> why I
> >don't have any clean laundry  because, come on, who wants to wash
> clothes on
> >the last day  of their life?
> >*	Age 15
> >     
> >Give me the strength to change the things
> >I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great  big bag
> of
> >money.
> >*	Age 13
> >     
> >It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's
> birthday, like
> >they do for the queen's.  Of course, then we would have a lot of
> people
> >voting for a  candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the
> long
> >weekends.
> >*	Age 8
> >     
> >Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for  that part about letting
> just any
> >old yokel vote.
> >*	Age 10
> >     
> >Home is where the house is.       
> >*	Age 6
> >     
> >I bet living in a nudist colony takes all  the fun out of Halloween.
> >*	Age 13
> >     
> >I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular a singer as some
> people
> >think he should be. Then, I  remember it's because he sucks.
> >*	Age 15
> >     
> >For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese.
> Then the
> >astronauts found that the  moon is really a big hard rock.  That's
> what
> >happens to cheese when you leave it out.
> >*	Age 6
> >     
> >My younger brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we
> get
> >buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I
> should have
> >told  him the truth-that most of us go to hell and burn eternally-but
> I
> >didn't want to upset him.  
> >*	Age 10
> >     
> >I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to myself,
> at which
> >Socrates, Aristotle,  and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they
> appear beside
> >me.  I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's right to
> die and
> >wonder at the constancy of the human condition.  I tell Plato that I
> live in
> >the country that has come the closest to Utopia, and I show him a
> copy of the
> >Constitution.  I tell Aristotle that we have found many more than
> four basic
> >elements and I show him a periodic table.  I get a box of kitchen
> matches and
> >strike one.  They gasp with wonder.  We  spend the rest of the night
> lighting
> >farts.
> >*	Age 15
> >     
> >When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again.  But he better
> have lost
> >the nose hair and the old-man smell.
> >*	Age 5
> >     
> >I once heard the voice of God. It said  "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it was
> just a
> >lawn mower.
> >*	Age 11
> >     
> >I don't know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry.  I imagine
> that the
> >wet paint is a big fresh water lake that is the  only source of water
> for
> >some tiny cities by the lake. As the lake  gets drier,  the
> population gets
> >more desperate, and sometimes there are water riots. Once there was a
> big
> >fire and everyone died.  
> >*	Age 13
> >     
> >I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've  found my
> dog.  Then
> >I tell them to kill it anyway because I already  gave away all of his
> stuff.
> >Dog people sure don't have a sense of    humor.
> >*	Age 14
> >     
> >As you make your way through this hectic world of ours,  set aside a
> few
> >minutes each day.  At the end of the year, you'll  have a couple of
> days
> >saved up.
> >*	Age 7
> >     
> >Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank  my teacher.
> That is,
> >I used to, until she got an unlisted number.      
> >*	Age 15
> >     
> >It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got  into an
> accident. No,
> >wait. That would be good because if anyone  needed it, the blood
> would be
> >right there.
> >*	Age 5
> >     
> >Think of the biggest number you can.  Now add five.  Then, imagine if
> you had
> >that many Twinkies.  Wow, that's five more  than the biggest number
> you could
> >come up with!
> >*	Age 6
> >     
> >The only stupid question is the one that is never asked,
> >except maybe "Don't you think it is about time you audited my
> return?" 
> >or  "Isn't it morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was
> 
> >speeding?"
> >*	Age 15
> >     
> >Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who had no
> feet. So I
> >took his shoes.  I mean, it's not like he really  needed them, right?
> >*	Age 15
> >     
> >If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world
> peace
> >for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it  would be until the
> looting
> >started.
> >*	Age 15
> >     
> >     
> >     
> >