FWD: Keep those proof of purchase slips!

I don't believe for a second this was ever on the McDonnell Douglas
website, but it's still pretty damn funny -- Andrea

______________________________________________________
This was actually posted very briefly on the McDonnell
Douglas website by an employee there who obviously has a
sense of humor.  The company, of course, does not - and made
the web department take it down immediately.

(In case you don't know: McDonnell Douglas is one of the
world's chief suppliers of military aircraft).

____________________________________________________

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military
aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please
take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration
card below.  Answering the survey questions is not required,
but the information will help us to develop new products
that best meet your needs and desires.

1. [_] Mr.  [_] Mrs.  [_] Ms.  [_] Miss  [_] Lt. [_] Gen.
[_] Comrade [_] Classified  [_] Other
First Name:........... Initial:... Last Name:...............
Password: .............................. (max 8 char)
Code Name: .................................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ...........  ...........


2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day):
19....... / ....... /.......

4. Serial Number:
.................................................

5. Please check where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalog showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified

6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell
Douglas product you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one
[_] Tom Clancy novel

7. Please check the three (3) factors that most
influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell
Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be
used:
[_] North America
[_] Central / South America
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Europe
[_] Middle East
[_] Africa
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Classified

9. Please check the products that you currently own or
intend to purchase in the near future:
[_] Color TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?
(Check all that apply:)
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal
[_] Writer for James Bond and assorted maniacal fiction

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveler's check

12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defense Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student
[_] Visionary

13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please
indicate the interests and activities in which you and your
spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / disinformation
[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Writer of conspiracy facts
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this
questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies
that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the
future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and
special offers from other companies, governments, extremist
groups, and mysterious consortia.

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please
write to:
    McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
    Marketing Department
    Military Aerospace Division
    P.O. Box 9800
    St. Louis, MO

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a n d r e a   s p e r t u s
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URL http://www.crackpot.com