[lritrar@grmpng.arg: sinners - biggy smalls (has big balls)]

	Standard warnings about naughty bits...



-----Forwarded message from "E.None Archibald" <lritrar@grmpng.arg>-----
Date: Wed, 8 Apr 1998 14:18:51 -0500 (CDT)
From: "E.None Archibald" <lritrar@grmpng.arg>
To: fvaaref@fngnavp.bet
Subject: sinners - biggy smalls (has big balls)
Message-ID: <Cvar.TFB.3.95.980408141748.13626O-100000@nxinivg.grmpng.arg>

-This paper was turned in by an Oakland High school student
who received the highest honors at the school district's ebonics
translation competition.

Assignment:
Please translate the following song lyrics from ebonics to
standard English.

       Artist: Notorious B-I-G (a.k.a. Biggy Smalls)
       Album: Ready to Die
       Song: One more chance (remix)

First things first, I poppa, freaks all the honeys
Dummies - playboy bunnies, those wantin' money
Those the ones I like 'cause they don't get nathan'
But penetration, unless it smells like sanitation
Garbage, I turn like doorknobs
Heart throb, never, black and ugly as ever
However, I stay coochied down to the socks
Rings and watch filled with rocks

"As a general rule, I perform deviant sexual acts with women of
all kinds, including but not limited to those with limited intellect,
nude magazine models, and whores.  I particularly enjoy sexual
encounters with the latter group as they are generally
disappointed in the fact that they only receive penile intercourse
and nothing more, unless of course, they douche on a
consistent basis.  Although I am  extremely unattractive, I am
able to engage in these types of sexual acts with some
regularity.  Perhaps my sexuality is somehow related to my fancy
and expensive jewelery."

And my jam knock in the Mitsubishi
Girls pee pee when they see me,
Nava-hoes creep me in they tee pee
As I lay down laws like I lay carpet
Stop it - if you think your gonna make a profit

"I enjoy playing my music loudly on my car stereo.  Apparently,
women enjoy this also because they become sexually aroused
when they see me driving.  Oddly enough, when I visit the Native
American reservations, some of the more sexually promiscuous
Indian women attempt to seduce me in their homes.  Their intent
is to divest me of my earnings.  Such actions are unacceptable."

Don't see my ones, don't see my guns - get it
Now tell ya friends Poppa hit it then split it
In two as I flow with the Junior Mafia
I don't know what the hell's stoppin' ya
I'm clockin' ya - Versace shades watchin' ya
Once ya grin, I'm in game, begin

"Understand this fact: you can have neither my money, nor my
weapons.  I suggest that you inform your peers that we engaged
in violent sexual acts.  Currently, I am rapping with my
associates, the Junior Mafia.  I'm having some difficulty
understanding why you refuse to approach me.  I am attempting
to make eye contact with you through my expensives glasses,
and as soon as you respond with a smile, I will approach you."

First I talk about how I dress and this
And diamond necklesses - stretch Lexuses
The sex is just immaculate from the back I get
Deeper and deeper - help ya reach the
Climax that your man can't make
Call and tell him you'll be home real late
Let's sing the break

"I prefer to open the conversation with light banter about my
wardrobe and jewelery, then I like to discuss my collection of
expensive cars.  This is more than enough to convince you to
have sexual intercourse with me.  I am able to insert my penis
further into you when I enter you from  behind.
Furthermore, you will be able to reach orgasm.  I understand this
to be a problem with your current sexual partner.  He needn't be
concerned about your whereabouts.  Please phone him and
inform him that you won't be home for a while. By the way, please
sing the chorus of the song for me also."

She's sick of that song on how it's so long
Thought he worked his until I handled my biz
There I is - major pain like Damon Wayans
Low down dirty even like his brother Keenan
Schemin' - don't bring your girl 'round me
True player for real, ask Puff Daddy

"Your current love interest no longer wishes to hear your
fabrications about the length of your member.  After I had sexual
intercourse with your woman, she became enlightened as to the
proper way it is supposed to  be performed; violently and
immorally.  It would be in your best interest to  keep your woman
away from me as my sexual prowess is very strong.  If you are
unconvinced, ask Puff Daddy."

You - ringin' bells with bags from Chanel
Baby Benz, traded in your Hyundai Excel
Fully equipped, CD changer with the cell
She beeped me, meet me at twelve

"Despite the fact that you attempted to win her at her doorstep
with bags full of expensive clothes and a car (the lower end
model Mercedes Benz which you financed by signing over your
current vehicle) containing an expensive stereo and a cellular
phone, your woman has contacted me through my pager
indicating that we should rendezvous at midnight."

Where you at? Flippin' jobs, playin' car notes?
While I'm swimmin' in ya women like the breast strokeRight
stroke, left stroke what's the best stroke
Death stroke - tongue all down her throat
Nuthin' left to do but send her home to you
I'm through - can ya sing the song for me, boo?

"You, on the other hand, jump from job to job, barely able to
maintain payments on the Mercedes Benz you purchased for >your
woman.  Meanwhile, I continue to engage in sexual >intercourse
and commit lewd  osculatory acts with your women. >My only
remaining option is to request that they  leave my home >and
return to you because I have reached orgasm and no longer >have
a need for their presence."

So, what's it gonna be? Him or me?
We can cruise the world with pearls
Gator boots for girls
The envy of all women, crushed linen
Cartier wrist-wear with diamonds in 'em
The finest women I love with a passion
Ya man's a wimp, I give that ass a good thrashin'

"The ultimate decision rests with you.  Whom do you choose as
your sexual partner.  I can take you on cruises around the world.
I will dress you in the finest jewelery and footwear.  You will be
envied by women  worldwide in your fine clothes and jewelery.
There is a special place in my heart for beautiful women.  I will
defeat
your
man in an altercation because he is effeminate."

High fashion - flyin' into all states
Sexin' me while your man masturbates
Isn't this great? Your flight leaves at eight
Her flight lands at nine, my game just rewinds
Lyrically I'm supposed to represent
I'm not only the client, I'm the player president

"You will be dressed in finest clothes on the runways of Paris.  I
will fly you to every state to shop for fine clothes and jewelery.
You will enjoy sexual intercourse with me and your man will be
forced to pleasure himself through manual stimulation.  What a
life!  I'll return you to LaGuardia in time to catch your 8 o'clock
flight.  The timing is perfect becuase I have scheduled a date
with a second woman who arrives at the same gate at 9 o'clock.
I'll seduce her in the same way that I seduced you.  I rap well and
I am a positive reflection of my hometown.  Not only am I a
sexually deviant, misogynistic, immoral, wealthy, male prostitute,
but I also sit on the board of directors of the organization that
governs others of my kind."


-----End of forwarded message-----

-- 

------------------------------------------------------<zrzbel@oynax.bet>
"As long as Nixon was politically alive, we could always be sure of
finding the enemy on the Low Road.  There was no need to look anywhere
else for the evil bastard."                       (--Hunter S. Thompson)
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