Fwd: FW: Brutal. (fwd)

For you non-DC people......I hope you laugh as hard as I did....
this is great

by the way ...this is bcc'd all over hell and gone...please dont reply all

Andy

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> >>Marion Barry, Please Don't Go!
> >>By Tony Kornheiser
> >>Washington Post
> >>Sunday, May 24, 1998; Page F01
> >>
> >>Say it ain't so, Marion.
> >>
> >>Say you're not leaving me.
> >>
> >>I've lived in Washington since 1979. You're the only mayor I've ever
> had.
> >>(Well, there was Sharon Pratt Kelly. But she only got elected
> because you
> >>were, um, away. She was so unpopular that when she ran for
> reelection she
> >>only got 13 percent of the primary vote. Forget the other party --
> 87
> >>percent
> >>of her own party didn't want her! People wrote in Pol Pot ahead of
> her.)
> >>
> >>I simply can't imagine Washington without you, Marion. It's like
> imagining
> >>Paris without L'Arc de Triomphe. Or olestra without the nasty
> leakage. Or
> >>daytime TV without one fat chick decking another fat chick on "Jerry
> >>Springer."
> >>
> >>You've been great for me, Marion. You've been bold, brash and bigger
> than
> >>life. What would I have written about John Ray all these years --
> that he
> >>recommends using shoe trees?
> >>
> >>You stood for everything that's great about this city: sex, drugs
> and room
> >>service. If you leave, what will I do for humorous political
> material? (Oh,
> >>silly me. Bill "American Gigolo" Clinton is still the president,
> right?) I
> >>almost cried when I saw you on TV, announcing you weren't going to
> run
> >>again.
> >>I was awestruck when you said you were a humble man, a man of God, a
> >>courageous man, a compassionate, sensitive, sacrificing man, and an
> >>excellent
> >>mayor. But I guess if you hadn't said that, who would? 
> >>
> >>Let's review the score card of your many years of public service: 
> >>	First term: You were not busted for smoking crack.
> >>	Second term: You were not busted for smoking crack.
> >>	Third term: Oops.
> >>	Fourth term: So far, so good.
> >>
> >>That's real progress. And yet what have they done to you, Marion?
> The feds
> >>have stripped you of every meaningful responsibility. You can't even
> make a
> >>long distance call without getting permission from Congress. And
> then you
> >>have to dial 10321 first. You aren't a real mayor anymore. You're
> strictly
> >>ceremonial now, like Mayor McCheese. You ought to wear a button that
> says:
> >>"Welcome to Washington, D.C. Try our Filet o' Fish."
> >>
> >>You have been a model for personal style, Marion. And a visionary.
> It is
> >>only
> >>now being questioned whether President Clinton had a sexual liaison
> in the
> >>Oval Office. It was alleged you had one in the visitors lounge in
> prison
> >>years ago!
> >>
> >>Your style was unapologetic.
> >>
> >>When you were spotted at a strip bar on 14th Street, you said, "I'm
> a night
> >>owl." If Gary Hart had said that, he might be president today. (Or a
> forest
> >>ranger.)
> >>
> >>When you were found frequenting the home of a fetching young model,
> you
> >>said,
> >>"I'm visiting her son." Her 3-year-old son! Did you bring Lego?
> >>
> >>When you were at the Super Bowl in L.A. in 1987 and it snowed 20
> inches
> >>here,
> >>paralyzing the city, you didn't rush home, you partied in sunny
> California
> >>--
> >>and claimed you were on top of the situation here because you had
> "called
> >>home at halftime, and after the game."
> >>
> >>When you won reelection in 1994 with, like, 0.00002 percent of the
> white
> >>vote, you didn't reach out to heal the divisions -- you told white
> people to
> >>"get over it." I tried. It was piled too high.
> >>
> >>When you spent several hours at an "unscheduled stop," and it grew
> late, and
> >>your security detail, fearing for your safety, went to fetch you,
> and
> >>according to an internal police memo, you answered the door
> "partially
> >>clothed," you said you were "visiting political supporters." What
> were you
> >>doing, courting the nudist vote?
> >>
> >>No wonder I voted for you every time. You put this city on the
> political
> >>map.
> >>
> >>Whenever I traveled to other cities, from Miami to Seattle, and told
> anyone
> >>I
> >>lived in Washington, D.C., they'd hoot, "Your mayor is a
> crack-head!" And
> >>I'd
> >>answer, proudly, "Yeah? But he photographs well from the side."
> People are
> >>going to knock you, Mr. Mayor, but I won't. This city has undergone
> a
> >>cultural renaissance while you have been in office. Look at what you
> >>accomplished in your 16 years:
> >>
> >>1. Property values haven't declined nearly as far as they have in
> Sarajevo.
> >>2. Much of the time, we could drink the tap water.
> >>3. Often the potholes in our streets were not so deep that our cars
> >>completely disappeared from view.
> >>4. We became an arts center. "D.C. Cab," starring Mr. T, was filmed
> here.
> >>5. No American city or foreign country dropped an A-bomb on us.
> >>
> >>That's your legacy: "Marion Barry. He kept us out of war." I can't
> fathom
> >>why
> >>the consortium of local universities -- which includes Georgetown,
> George
> >>Washington, Maryland and American -- didn't offer you a position
> teaching
> >>political science. Your course would have been packed to the
> rafters.
> >>
> >>I can see it in the catalogue now: "Poli. Sci. 'How to Get Away With
> Just
> >>About Everything.' Instructor: Marion S. Barry Jr., former Mayor for
> Life."
> >>
> >>(c) Copyright 1998 The Washington Post Company