LONGISH SHAKESPEAREAN/CLINTON FLUFF: The Tragic Comedie of King Leer (fwd)

Gleaned this from one of the too-many humor lists I'm on and thought it was
fairly relevant to the Bill's Wad conversation... 

>                   THE TRAGIC COMEDIE OF KING LEER
>
>
>Scene 1. A forest glen.
>          Enter Witch Tripp and Kenneth of Starr.
>
>Witch Tripp:
>  Double, double, Webster Hubbell,
>  I think I got the Creep in trouble.
>  Eye of Newt, strap of bra,
>  Could it be he broke some law?
>  Praise this broth utmost ephemeral,
>  Heavens! I left out my Essence of Emeril!
>  Hark! Who trespasses so near?
>
>Kenneth of Starr: 'Tis I, the Inquisitor. What news?
>
>Witch Tripp: Things proceed with quickening speed, m'lord. The maiden
>  Lewinsky, so deeply embroil'd, is now join'd by the Lady Willey in
>  like pursuit. Daily tightens the noose around the king.
>
>Starr: Would that it were so, but he hath good counsel, and more moves
>  than a chess board. His public, well pleas'd with good news of the
>  economie, doth o'erlook much.
>
>Witch Tripp: How may I serve you next?
>
>Starr: I have need of acts damnable and facts verifiable. Else he may
>  elude me yet.
>
>Witch Tripp: His dog Buddy, freshly neuter'd, may bear his master
>  harsh reproach. He may consent to wearing a collar of our invention,
>  to survey the king at his ease. Dogs are much accustom'd to insects.
>  What's one more bug?
>
>Starr: Good hag, I rely on you completely. I must away.
>
>  (Exeunt Tripp and Starr)
>
>Scene 2. The king's antechamber
>
>Duke of McCurry: My Lord! I needs must speak with you most urgently!
>  The castle is assaulted on all sides!
>
>Leer: What would I not give for an hour's peace!
>
>McCurry: An army of reporters is settled at thy gate. They are press
>  in name and press in deed, for they press me daily, nay, hourly for
>  some explanation from thy lips.
>
>Leer: Who is there among them?
>
>McCurry: Lords Jennings, Brokaw, Rather, Geraldo of Rivera and a
>
>  host of others. Methinks I spied the van from Hard Copy.
>
>Leer: You cut me to the quick. Do they not know that I am chaste?
>
>McCurry: They insinuate that thou hast chased too often.
>
>Leer: Never have lies been so artfully stack'd against a pure soul.
>  Where is Lady Hillary?
>
>McCurry: Her secretary doth report that she is lock'd in her bath,
>  saying over and over, "Why can I not wash my hands of this guy?"
>
>Leer: Oh cursed fate! I must be the most solitary mortal in all
>  creation. Never have I betrayed m'lady's trust.
>
>McCurry: Whatever.
>
>  (Enter Messenger)
>
>Messenger: Good king, steel thy nerve. I bring a missive from
>  Kenneth of Starr, the Grand Inquisitor.
>
>Leer: Was ever a man as Starr-cross'd as I? Why does this man
>  conspire to afflict me thus? My hand is unsteady. Read it to me.
>
>Messenger: Let me see. He offers you his regards, blah, blah, blah,
>  then doth subpoena you to appear at his chamber at Friday next,
>  to forswear again that thou tookst no liberties with the Jones wench,
>  who withdraweth not her claims against you.
>
>Leer: I have already so sworn!
>
>McCurry: It would seem, m'lord, that the woeful tale of Lady Willey
>  rekindles old flames.
>
>Leer: I kiss'd the woman on the forehead, as a sign of my regard.
>  Never was a king so expos'd!
>
>McCurry: Truer words were ne'er spoken.
>
>Leer: I cannot think on't further. Leave me to my own counsel.
>
>
>  (Exeunt Messenger and McCurry)
>
>Leer: To be forthright, or not to be forthright, that is the
>  question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings
>  and arrows of outrageous fortune, or just bag the whole thing
>  and teach law at a junior college.
>
>  (Enter Courtier)
>
>Courtier: My liege, you are late for an appointed meeting.
>
>Leer: What's this?
>
>Courtier: You were to interview a new assistant at the stroke
>  of two. She seems most capable, and with rare intellect for one
>  so young and fair.
>
>Leer: Well, tell her I will see her anon, and on, and on.
>
>Courtier: A most clever jest, my king.
>
>Leer: Let us not tarry further.
>
>  (Exeunt Leer and courtier. Enter Buddy, from behind a chair)
>
>Buddy: So dearest reader, I bid adieu.
>  Me seeth I have much to do.
>  And so it comes to this pretty pass
>  To see if the king doth get some ....

--
Jason Klueber
sabeq@age.arg

"Those of you... familiar with my now classic renditions of 'Mr. Tambourine
Man' and 'Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds' can attest to the improbable
nature of that idea."
			-Willaim Shatner, on the persistant 
			 rumor of "Star Trek:  The Musical"