Fwd: FW: GodsHome Jokelist - 59th day in the season of Beauracrac

E-Mail Facts Of Life

1. Big companies don't do business via chain letter. Bill Gates is not
giving you $1000, and Disney is not giving you a free vacation. There is
no baby food company issuing class-action checks. You can relax; there
is no need to pass it on "just in case it's true". Furthermore, just
because someone said in the message, four generations back, that "we
checked it out and it's legit", does not actually make it true.

2. There is no kidney theft ring in New Orleans. No one is waking up in
a bathtub full of ice, even if a friend of a friend swears it happened
to their cousin. If you are hell-bent on believing the kidney-theft ring
stories, please see:

http://urbanlegends.tqn.com/library/weekly/aa062997.htm

And I quote: "The National Kidney Foundation has repeatedly issued
requests for actual victims of organ thieves to come forward and tell
their stories. None have." That's "none" as in "zero". Not even your
friend's cousin.

3. Neiman Marcus doesn't really sell a $200 cookie recipe. And even if
they do, we all have it. And even if you don't, you can get a copy at:
http://www.bl.net/forwards/cookie.html Then, if you make the recipe,
decide the cookies are that awesome, feel free to pass the recipe on.

4. We all know all 500 ways to drive your roommates crazy, irritate
co-workers gross out bathroom stall neighbors and creep out people on
an elevator. We also know exactly how many engineers, college students,
Usenet posters and people from each and every world ethnicity it takes
to change a lightbulb.

5. Even if the latest NASA rocket disaster(s) DID contain plutonium that
went to particulate over the eastern seaboard, do you REALLY think this
information would reach the public via an AOL chain-letter?

6. There is no "Good Times" virus. In fact, you should never, ever, ever
forward any E-Mail containing any virus warning unless you first confirm
it at an actual site of an actual company that actually deals with
virii. Try: http://www.norton.com/ or http://www.symantec.com.

7. If your CC: list is regularly longer than the actual content of your
message, you're probably going to Hell.

8. If you're using Outlook, IE, or Netscape to write E-Mail, turn off
the "HTML encoding." [hear, hear!] Those of us on Unix shells can't read
it, and don't care enough to save the attachment and then view it with a
web browser, since you're probably forwarding us a copy of the
Neiman Marcus Cookie Recipe anyway.

9. If you still absolutely MUST forward that 10th-generation message
from a friend, at least have the decency to trim the eight miles of
headers showing everyone else who's received it over the last 6
months.  It sure wouldn't hurt to get rid of all the "" that begin each
line.
Besides, if it has gone around that many times - we've probably already seen
it.

10.Craig Shergold in England is not dying of cancer or anything else at
this time and would like everyone to stop sending him their business
cards. He apparently is also no longer a "little boy" either. Nor can
you get into the Guinness Book of World Records this way anymore (the
rules were rewritten specifically to prevent this.)