must be the Mad Cow disease

>From the Churchdown Parish Magazine:

 'Would the Congregation please note that the bowl at the back of the
 Church, labeled "For The Sick", is for monetary donations only.'

>From The Guardian concerning a sign seen in a Police canteen in
Christchurch, New Zealand:

 'Will the person who took a slice of cake from the Commissioner's Office
 return it immediately. It is needed as evidence in a poisoning case.'

>From The Times:

 'A young girl, who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth,
 was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster.  A coast-guard spokesman
 commented, "This sort of thing is all too common these days."'

>From The Gloucester Citizen:

 'A sex line caller complained to Trading Standards. After dialing an
 0891 number from an advertisement entitled "Hear Me Moan" the caller
 was played a tape of a woman nagging her husband for failing to do
 jobs around the house.Consumer Watchdogs in Dorset refused to look into
 the complaint, saying, "He got what he deserved."'

>From The Barnsley Chronicle:

 'Police arrived quickly, to find Mr Melchett hanging by his fingertips
 from the back wall. He had run out of the house when the owner, Paul
 Finch, returned home unexpectedly, and, spotting an intruder in the
 garden, had dialled 999. What Mr Finch did not know was that Mr Melchett
 had been visiting Mrs Finch and, hearing the front door open, had climbed
 out of the rear window. But the back wall was 8 feet high and Mr Melchett
 had been unable to get his leg over.'

>From The Daily Telegraph in a piece headed "Brussels Pays 200,000

 Pounds to Save Prostitutes":
 "... the money will not be going directly into the prostitutes' pocket,
 but will be used to encourage them to lead a better life.  We will be
 training them for new positions in hotels."

>From The Derby Abbey Community News:

 "We apologise for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that
 'Mr Fred Nicolme is a Defective in the Police Force'. This was a
 typographical error. We meant of course that Mr Nicolme is a Detective
 in the Police Farce."

>From The Guardian:

 "After being charged 20 pounds for a 10 pounds overdraft, 30 year old
 Michael Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed poll to "Yorkshire Bank
 Plc are Fascist Bastards".  The Bank has now asked him to close his
 account, and Mr Bastards has asked them to repay the 69p balance by
 cheque, made out in his new name.