this is just plain evil. (fwd)

I pass this not b/c it says to, but because it's mildly funny, esp "China
Letter #4".

====



Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin. I am suffering from rare and  
deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, lack of sexual 
activity, fear  of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, 
and guilt for not  sending out 50 billion fucking forwards sent to 
me by people who actually  believe that if you send them, that poor 
6 year old girl in Arkansas with lung  cancer brought on by 
second-hand smoke from the cigarettes smoked by the  big bad men who
kidnapped her and took pornographic pictures of her for use  
on their child pornography web site will get 6 fucking cents every
time you  send me the letter.  Do you honestly believe that Bill
Gates is going to  give you and everyone you send "his" email to  
$1000? How fucking stupid are  you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll 
down this page and make a wish, I'll  get laid by every Victoria's Secret 
model in the catalog! What a bunch of bullshit. So basically,
this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out  there who have nothing
better to do than to send me stupid chain mail  forwards. Maybe the evil chain
letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for
not continuing the chain which was started by  Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought
to this country by midget pilgrims on the  Mayflower and if it makes it to the
year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of  World Records for longest
continuous streak of blatant stupidity. Fuck  them. If you're going to forward
something, at least send something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this
to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being
will somehow receive a nickel from some "omniscient being" forwards about 90
times. I don't fucking care.  Show a little intelligence and think about what
you're actually  contributing  to by sending out forwards.  Chances are it's
your own unpopularity.

P.S. Please forward this to at least 50 of your best friends!
 
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:

Chain Letter Type 1:   (scroll down)







Make a wish!!!








Really, go on and make one!!!








Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!








Wish something else!!!








Not that, you pervert!!








Is your finger getting tired yet?








STOP!!!!

Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel guilty,
here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096  people in
the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and then thrown  off a high
building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all
of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! 
Really!!!
Here's how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending
them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending
them a stupid chain letter.
*5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them 
a stupid chain letter.
*10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a
stupid chain letter.

Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

-------------------------------------------------------
Chain Letter Type 2

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a
starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no
parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for 
every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving
Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.
Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent and this is all bull. 
So go on, reach out.
Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds.
Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, 
you will die instantly.  Thanks again!!

-------------------------------------------------------

Chain Letter Type 3

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897.
This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and
probably not as many little 8 year olds writing chain letters. 
So this is how it works.
Pass this on to 15,067  people in the next 7 minutes or something 
horrible will happen to you like:

Queer Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had
recently recieved this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack
in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a 
flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she
smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!
Queer Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and
ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend 
(hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell. They 
continued to suffer in hell where they were both cursed to eat adorable
kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You!!!

Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send
this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be Ok.
-------------------------------------------------------

Chain Letter Type 4:

As if you care, here is a poem that I
wrote. Send it to every one of your friends.

Friends

-A friend is someone who is always at your side,
-A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like poop,
-A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly 
ugly,
-A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,
-A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your
loser life,
-A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you
should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs,
-A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then 
gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English, no sorry that's
the cleaning lady,
-A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants
his wish of being rich to come true. Now pass this on! If you don't, 
you'll be eaten by wild muts

-----------------------------------------------------------
There. Now that we've covered and dumped on the four main types of 
chain letters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any 
popularity, send it on!!! If you don't think it was funny at all, 
don't bother, but otherwise forward this sucker to everyone you know!! 
If you don't, I don't care, but why not show this around? 
Take two minutes and forward it. Thanks! 

Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter, 
ignore it. If it's a joke or something, send it, sure, but if it's 
gonna make people feel guilty (i.e. the willieless boy from
Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or nervous (i.e. Miranda Pinsley who ended 
up in a waterfall of turds) just delete it.  Do yourself a favor, 
and everyone else in the world, and say, "#$@%CHAIN LETTERS!!"