Another Victory Over the Martians!

Cheerfully ripped off from Reuters:
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Monday May 17 6:11 PM ET 

Citibank, Others Cleared Of Plot To Kill 'Martian'

TORONTO (Reuters) - A Canadian judge dismissed a claim Monday that Defense
Minister Art Eggleton, Citibank and several drug-store chains were part of a
conspiracy to kill a complainant because he is a Martian.

Turning the tables on the ``Martian,'' an Ontario Superior Court judge
dismissed Rene Joly's ``vexatious'' case on the grounds that he claimed not
to be human and therefore had no status before the courts.

Joly, described by a lawyer in the case as not your typical Martian, began
the action in April, contending that the Shopper's Drug Mart chain had sold
him poison instead of medication, that Canadian troops in Germany had
implanted a microchip in his brain and that Citibank had perpetrated a
credit card fraud -- all in a bid to further U.S. assassination attempts on
his life.

Friday, 13 lawyers appeared in court to file a motion of dismissal on behalf
of their clients, including doctors, dentists, hospitals and several
drug-store chains.

``Every action that starts, as silly as it is, you've got to take seriously.
That being said, I think Mr. Joly has watched too many episodes of the
'X-Files','' said lawyer Daina Groskaufmanis, who represented Citibank.

Joly, 34, a college-educated sales manager, who began his crusade three
years ago, represented himself before the courts.

``Genetically speaking, I'm a Martian, yes,'' Joly told Reuters. ``And the
judge's decision is tantamount to doing nothing about flagrant crimes that
have been committed. Notwithstanding my allegations, the fact that we're
allowing these crimes to continue unabated and unpunished is a very bad thing.''

Joly maintains he is cloned from material recovered in the 1960s by NASA
from Mars. Unfortunately, he can't prove it because records revealing his
DNA have been falsified.

``Mr. Joly himself is not unusual, he's very well-spoken, very well-dressed,
he eloquently stated his own case, he's not your typical Martian,''
Groskaufmanis said.

Joly, who has another action pending against President Clinton, the CIA and
Canadian Justice Minister Anne McClellan, has filed an appeal of Monday's
ruling.

``It's only going to end when the truth is exposed. The American government,
and its accomplices in Canada, are trying to eliminate me because I am a
Martian and they do want to get their hands on my body,'' he stated calmly.

Citibank and the other defendants are considering seeking costs.