Fw: (no subject)

> Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
> If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
> If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
> If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.  If you are
> paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we
> can
> trace your call.
> If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the
> mother ship.
> If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell
> you
> which number to press.
> If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you
> press-no
> one will answer.
> If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
> If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a
> representative comes on the line.
> If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number,
> date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
>If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
>If  you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or
before
> the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
> If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are
> too busy to talk to you.
>