punsŠtwoŠthree (fwd)

Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers.
However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire.
Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.


A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm
shrinking!"  The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just
have to be a little patient."

A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that
could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls.  One day his
supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more.  On
the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them,
he gingerly stepped over them.  Immediately, he was arrested and charged
with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal  porpoises.


Back in the 1800's the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to
produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket
watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It
turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their
compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather
than California.  This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who
has a Tates is lost!"

An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man.
After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of
elk hide and gave it to the chief, instructing him to bite off, chew  and
swallow one inch of the leather every day.  After a month, the medicine man
returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief  shrugged  and said,
"The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."


A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name
missing from the town register.  His wife insisted on complaining to the
local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken
Leif off my census."


There were three Indian squaws.  One slept on a deer skin.  One slept on an
elk skin and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin.  All three  became
pregnant and the first two each had a baby boy.  The one who slept on the
hippopotamus skin had twin boys.  This goes to prove that the squaw of the
hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.