For All with Young Kids (fwd)

<multiple forwards deleted>

*****

For those who already have children past this age, this is HILARIOUS.

For those who have children nearing this age, let this serve as an EARLY
WARNING.

For those who have not yet had children, let this serve as BIRTH CONTROL(!).

The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, TX.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN (HONEST AND NO KIDDING):

1. A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000-sq.ft. house 4
inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
Rollerblades, they can ignite.

3. A three-year-old's voice is louder than those of 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.

4. If you hook up a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
cape. It is, however, strong enough to spread paint on all four walls of a
20 x 20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using
the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before
you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a l-o-n-g w-a-y...

6. The glass in windows (even double-paned) does not stop a baseball hit by
a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flushing and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too
late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox bleach makes smoke...LOTS of it.

9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain sizes of Lego blocks CAN pass through the digestive tract of a
four-year-old.

11. The words "Play-Doh" and "microwave" should never be used in the same
sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't
walk on water.

14. Swimming pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches put into their slots, even though TV
commercials show them doing so.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do NOT want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like
ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a five-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
It will, however, make cats dizzy.

22. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

END

---------------------- MATT G. LEGER -----------------------
  Graphic Designer - Webmaster - Illustrator - Wordsmith
           New York - Washington - New Orleans
   Opinions expressed here are MINE! You can't have 'em!
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