NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

fwd: (no attributions on my copy)

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To the citizens of the United States of America, In the light of your
failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves,
we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence,
effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical
duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.   Except
Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new prime minister (The rt.  hon.  Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85%
of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside
your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for
further elections.  Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.  A
questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of
you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:

 1.  You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English
Dictionary.  Then look up "aluminium".  Check the pronunciation
guide.  You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been
pronouncing it.  Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to
acceptable levels.   Look up "vocabulary".  Using the same twenty
seven words  interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you
know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.   Look
up  "interspersed".

2.  There is no such thing as "US English".   We will let Microsoft
know on your behalf.

3.  You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian
accents.  It really isn't that hard.

4.  Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
the good guys.

 5.  You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1.   We would not want
you to get confused and give up half way through.

 6.  You should stop playing American "football".   There is only one
kind of football.   What you refer to as American "football" is not a
very good game.

The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football.
You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play
proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the
girls.   It is a difficult game.

Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby
(which is similar to American "football", but does not involve
stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body
armour like nancies).  We are hoping to get together at least a US
rugby sevens side by 2005.

 7.  You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear
weapons if  they give you any merde.   The 98.85% of you who were not
aware that there is  a world outside your borders should count
yourselves lucky.  The Russians have never been the bad guys.
"Merde" is French for "sh*t".

 8.  July 4th is no longer a public holiday.   November 8th will be a
new national holiday, but only in England.   It will be called
"Indecisive Day".

9.  All American cars are hereby banned.   They are crap and it is for
your own good.   When we show you German cars, you will understand
what we mean.

10.  Please tell us who killed JFK.   It's been driving us crazy.

Thank you for your cooperation.

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