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BREAKING NEWS: GOD OVERRULES SUPREME COURT VERDICT
Bush to be smitten later today

In a stunning development this morning, God invoked the "one nation, under
God" clause of the Pledge of Allegiance to overrule last night's Supreme
Court decision that handed the White House to George Bush.

"I'm not sure where the Supreme Court gets off," God said this morning on
a rare Today Show appearance, "but I'm sure as hell not going to lie back
and let Bush get away with this bullshit."

"I've watched analysts argue for weeks now that the exact vote count in
Florida 'will never be known.' Well, I'm God and I DO know exactly who
voted for whom.  Let's cut to the chase: Gore won Florida by exactly
20,219 votes."

Shocking political analysts and pundits, God's unexpected verdict
overrules the official Electoral College tally and awards Florida to Al
Gore, giving him a 289-246 victory.  The Bush campaign is analyzing God's
Word for possible grounds for appeal.

"God's ruling is a classic over-reach," argued Bush campaign strategist
Jim Baker. "Clearly, a divine intervention in a U.S. Presidential Election
is unprecedented, unjust, and goes against the constitution of the state
of Florida."

"Jim Baker's a jackass," God responded. "He's got some surprises ahead of
him, let me tell you. HOT ones, if you know what I mean."

God, who provided the exact vote counts for every Florida precinct,
explained that bad balloting machinery and voter confusion were no grounds
to give the White House to "a friggin' idiot."

"Look, only 612 people in Palm Beach County voted for Buchanan.  Get real!
The rest meant to vote for Gore. Don't believe me?  I'll name them:
Anderson, Pete; Anderson, Sam, Jr.; Arthur, James; Barnhardt, Ron..." God
went on to note that he was displeased with George W. Bush's prideful ways
and announced that he would officially smite him today.

In an act of wrath unlike any reported since the Book of Job, God has
taken all of Bush's goats and livestock, stripped him of his wealth and
possessions, sold his family into slavery, forced the former presidential
candidate into hard labor in a salt mine, and afflicted him with deep
boils.

Dick Cheney will reportedly receive leprosy.


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  "Withdrawal in disgust is not the same as apathy."	       Jeff Yaus
    - Richard Linklater                                     wrss@sbyqrq.pbz