to do (fwd)

----- Forwarded message from Doug Ayen <nlra@fcevatsvryq.enqvbnpgvir.bet> -----

From: Doug Ayen <nlra@fcevatsvryq.enqvbnpgvir.bet>
Subject: to do
To: ibvq@ncbpnylcfr.bet (The sum and product of all my fears)
Date: Fri, 29 Mar 2002 17:23:07 -0500 (EST)

Stefan E. Jone's to-do list: 

1) Get a bunch of old, cheap, obsolete laptops, a stencil kit, and a can 
of spray paint. Label the computers "PROPERTY OF FBI." Leave in airport 
bathrooms, Starbucks, masonic temples, and movie theaters. 

2) When co-workers leave computers and monitors on after hours, set the 
screen saver to "Marquee" with text reading "THIS MACHINE CONTRIBUTING 
PROCESSING CYCLES TO SEA MONKEY NEURAL NET DECODING PROJECT." 

3) Print up a bunch of mailing labels reading "THIS MACHINE DOES NOT 
ACCEPT DOLLY MADISON $2.00 COIN" Apply below coin slots of favorite 
vending machines. 

4) Collect the DVD cases that AOL trial CD-ROMs come in. Remove all 
inserts and labels. Print up labels reading "STAR WARS EPISODE III SFX 
SEQUENCES." Insert blank or ruined CD-RW disks into case. Drop on dealer's 
room floor at SF convention. 

5) Write "BEING HELD PRISONER. HELP. AMBROSE." on pieces of scrap paper. 
Collect co-workers' staplers when they are not looking. Peel rubber base 
off of a stapler, insert note, replace rubber base, and return stapler to 
desk. Repeat. 

6) Order a custom service-dog vest reading "VOCABULARY ASSIST DOG. DO NOT 
TALK TO ME WHILE I'M LEARNING." Place on dog. Take dog for a walk down 
city street. Pause occasionally to point at and name common objects in 
loud, precise voice. If someone asks what a vocabulary assist dog does, 
look surprised and annoyed. 

7) During travels, collect hotel and motel postcards. Write down cryptic 
phrases and random strings of letters and numbers on backs. Stamp 
CLASSIFIED with red ink. Find estate sale; hide postcards in lunchbox, 
toolbox or similar spot that other shoppers will likely look in. 

8) Go to a local thrift shop. Begin categorizing and alphabetizing the 
used book section. If questioned, explain that you are fulfilling a 
community service requirement. 

----- End forwarded message -----