[sxf@sgc.pbz: (Forwarded) Evil Overlord List ]

Date: Thu, 5 Dec 1996 17:31:39 -0500
To: ibvq@ncbpnylcfr.bet
Subject: (Forwarded) Evil Overlord List 
From: Frances Kirk Selkirk <sxf@sgc.pbz>
Reply-To: sxf@sgc.pbz


..
>[source unknown]
..
>If I ever become an Evil Overlord, 
..
>  1. My legions of terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors,
>     not face-concealing ones.
>  2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
>  3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not  kept 
>     anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
>  4. Shooting is _not_ too good for my enemies.
>  5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the
>     Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of
>     Eternity.  It will be in my safe-deposit box.
>  6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicatment before killing them.
>  7. When the rebel leader challenges me to fight one-on-one and asks,
>     "Or are you afraid without your armies to back you up?"  My reply
>     will be, "No, just sensible."
>  8. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill
>     me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?"  I'll say, "No."
>     and shoot him.
>  9. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in
>     a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks time
>     during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
> 10. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary.
>     If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: 
>     Do Not Push".
> 11. I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is destined
>     to overthrow me -- I'll do it myself.
> 12. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum --
>     a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
> 13. I will be secure in my superiority.  Therefore, I will feel no need
>     to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my
>     weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
> 14. I will not waste time making my enemy's death look like an accident --
>     I'm not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn't believe it.
> 15. I will make it clear that I _do_ know the meaning of the word "mercy";
>     I simply choose not show them any.
> 16. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child.  Any 
>     flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before
>     implementation.
> 17. All slain enemies will be cremated, not left for dead at the bottom of
>     the cliff.  The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying
>     celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
> 18. My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members
>     of my organization, nor will they be required to wear military boots or
>     adhere to any other dress codes.
> 19. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any
>     other form of last request.
> 20. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown.  If I find
>     that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to active
>     when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan
>     into operation.
> 21. I will design all doomsday machines myself.  If I must hire a mad 
>     scientist to assist me, I will make sure that he is sufficiently
>     twisted to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage 
>     he's caused.
> 22. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's
>     just one thing I want to know."
> 23. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to
>     their advice.