[ivpxn@ncbpnylcfr.bet: charge of chocolate]

Date: Fri, 6 Dec 1996 12:35:05 -0500
From: Nouns and Verbs <ivpxn@ncbpnylcfr.bet>
To: ibvq@nflyhz.ncbpnylcfr.bet
Subject: charge of chocolate

(forwarded)

Listen to the words of the Mother of Chocolate; who was of old called: Godiva,
Ethel M., Sara Lee, Nestle, Mrs. See, and by many other names:
        Whenever you have one of those cravings, once in a while and better it
be when your checkbook is full, then shall you assemble in a great public place
and bring offerings of money to the spirit of Me, who is Queen of all Goodies.
In the mall shall you assemble, you who have eaten all your chocolate and are
hungry for more. To you I shall bring Good Things for your tongue. And you
shall be free from depression. And as a sign that you are truly free, you shall
have chocolate smears on your cheeks, and you shall munch, nosh, snack, feast,
and make yummy noises all in my presence. For mine is the ecstacy of
phenylalanine, and mine is also the joy on earth, yea, even into high orbit for
my law is "melts in your mouth, not in your hand".      Keep clean your
fingers, carry Wet Ones always, let none stop you aside. For mine is the secret
that opens your mouth, and mine is the taste that puts a smile on your lips and
comfy padding pounds on your hips. I am the gracious Goddess who gives the gift
of joy onto the tummies of men and women. Upon earth, I give knowledge of all
things delicious, and beyond death, well, I cant do much there. Sorry about
hat. I demand only yourmoney in sacrifice, for behold, chocolate is a
business, and you have to pay for those truffles before you eat them.

Hear now the words of the Goodie Goddess, she in the dust of whose feet
are the cheap imitations, whose body graces candy racks and finer stores
everywhere: I, who am the beauty of chocolate chips, and the satisfying
softness of big bars, the mystery of how they get the filling inside truffles,
and fill the hearts of all but Philistines with desire, call unto thy soul to
arise and come unto me. For I am the soul of candy, from me do all confections
spring, and unto me all of you shall return, again.... and again... and
again.... and again. Before my smeared face, beloved of women and men, thine
innermost divine self shall be enfolded in the rapture of overdose. Let my
taste be within thy mouth that rejoices. For behold, all acts of yumminess and
pleasure are my rituals. Therefore let there be gooeyness and mess, crispness
and crackling, big slabs and bite size pieces, peanut butter and chocolate
covered cherries all within you. And you who think to seek me, know that your
seeking and yearning shall avail you not unless you know the Mystery: "We shall
sellno chocolate until you pay for it". For behold: I have been with you since
you were just a baby, and I am that which is attained at nearly any shop in the
land. Messed be.

  Hear now the words of the Chocolate God, who was called Ghirardelli, Milton
Snavely Hershey, Bosco, Fudgesicle, and by many other names:
        I am the strength of the candy rack, and the piece that fell on the
floor but looks like it may not have gotten too dirty, and the deepest
bitterness of dark chocolate. No matter how you try to resist the call
ofchocolate, I will hunt you out, and I will become your sacred prey. I am
warmth of hot cocoa in the dead of winter, and the call of the road that leads
you to that really expensive Godiva store downtown. I give you mycreatures, the
fire of love of chocolate, the power of jaw strength to bite off a piece of
that frozen Milky Way bar and the shelter of Haagen Dazs when that big date
didnt work out. You are dear to me, and I instill in you my power of a piece of
chocolate that you had forgotten you had hidden, and the power of vision and
magickal sight with which you can spot a candy counter a mile away. By the
powers of the half melted bar in theglorious sun, I charge you, by the darkest
depths of the bottom of the cocoa pot and lingering smell of bittersweet
chocolate, I charge you, and by the beauty of a perfectly swirled vanilla
butter cream, I charge you.Follow your heart and your instinct, wherever they
lead you.  The wealth in your pocket can buy you treats that a Mayan king would
envy. Take joy in that first bite of lecithin emulsified cocoa, and in the last
satisfying slurp of Yoo-Hoo. Yet you must be wary of deceit. Eat not of that
which is called "baking chocolate, for it is vile and bitter. Lastly, always
remember to leave some chocolate behind you. Be not greedy, but let yourself be
known as a conoisseur. Leave a little for someone else. I am with you always,
just over your shoulder, or around the next corner. I am the Lord of Chocolate,
and when you have reached the end of you hoard, I will never be further away
from you than that 7-Eleven on the corner. I am the spirit of the wild child,
the inner child who can never get quite enough. If you are a true chocolate
over, then your soul and mine areintertwined.