Okay, this one is funny...

Normally I don't forward chain letters around but this one is really,
*really* funny. 

And all I can say is it's a good thing there are only 40 people on Elbows.
Or is it 41???

> >PLEASE HELP!
> >This letter was composed by a little boy in Balaklavia who is dying from
> >lung cancer due to second hand smoke and drunk driving. Please forward
> >this letter to as many people as you can, so that this little starving boy
> >with no arms can get one last wish...To annoy as many people as possible
> >with e-mail. Please, for every time this mail gets sent, 3 cents will be
> >donated to the Save-The-Starving-Little-Balaklavian-Boy-With-No-Arms
> >Fund. Really. There is no realistic way that all the mails can be
> >counted, but hey, if you don't send this anyway, you're selfish and you're
> >going straight to hell. Or maybe you'll come back in YOUR next life as a
> >little Balaklavian boy with no arms.
> >
> >Send this letter to as many people as you can.
> >If you send it to...
> >1 person -- 1 person will be pissed at you for sending another dumb chain
> >letter 5 people -- 5 people will be pissed at you for sending another dumb
> >chain letter
> >10 people -- 10 people will be pissed at you for sending another dumb
> >chain letter
> >15 people -- 15 people will be pissed at  you for sending another dumb
> >chain letter
> >20 people -- 20 people will be pissed at you for sending another dumb
> >chain letter
> >30 people -- 30 people will be pissed at you for sending another dumb
> >chain letter
> >35 people -- 35 people will be pissed at you for sending another dumb
> >chain letter
> >40 people -- Your crush will ask you out on a date.
> >41 people -- Your crush will ask you to have sex with him/her on Sesame
> >Street.
> >43 people -- Your crush will die, and be replaced with a new, better
> >looking crush.
> >44 1/2 people-Your crush will crush you with a huge boulder, and you'll get
> >sick twisted jollies out of it.
> >47 people -- Your crush will mutate and grow an extra arm, which he/she
> >will use to perform bizarre sex acts on you.
> >
> >You MUST send at least 300 copies of this letter. If you don't an evil
> >curse will be put on you.  For instance, John Fargo of Fargo, PA deleted
> >this mail as soon as he got it. Then he got up, called a friend, and went
> >to a movie, because he has a life. Or how about Lenore Poe, of Tromaville,
> >who deleted this mail when she got it? She got into her car and drove to
> >work.  Or take poor Mr. Arnold Cartman, who accidentally only sent part of
> >this letter to his crush. He died. So did his crush. Of course, that was
> >because of all of the STDs. (They worked on Sesame Street.)
> >
> >Please send this letter to all your loser hacker friends. The little
> >Balaklavian boy with no arms needs your help.  Remember, as the Spice Girls
> >once said, "I wanna really really really wanna zig a zig ah." Think about it.
> >
> >
> >PART II:
> >
> >What is a true friend?
> >Here's a poem I wrote about being a friend. It's called, "Being a Friend."
> >
> >"Being a Friend"
> >^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> >A friend is someone you can count on
> >A friend is someone who loves you all the time
> >A friend is someone who loves you for who you are
> >A friend is someone who loves you even though you're disgustingly ugly
> >A friend is someone who smokes crack with you
> >A friend is someone who sends you countless stupid chain e-mails
> >A friend is someone who tells you if you smell like shit
> >A friend is someone who tells all your other friends you smell like shit
> >A friend is someone who always holds on to you, even after the restraining
> >   order
> >A friend is a person to douse in marshmallow fluff and then lick clean
> >A friend is someone who comes to your house while you are out and cleans up
> >for you, then picks up her check and leaves, and doesn't speak much English.
> >
> >Oh, wait, that's the cleaning lady.
> >
> >A friend is someone who pays for you cleaning lady
> >A friend is someone who pays for your dominatrix
> >A friend is someone who is a cleaning lady and a dominatrix on weekends
> >A friend is someone who helps you kill starving Balaklavian boys
> >A friend is someone who helps you devour the remains of your victims
> >
> >So next time you go drunk driving with a friend
> >Remember that chain mail he sent you about how a friend should never
> >let his/her friend drive drunk
> >And remember how many copies he/she sent you
> >And when you crash into a telephone pole, aim so that it hits the
> >passenger side
> >
> >I hope you liked the poem! Now send this to as many Balaklavian boys that
> >you are friends with, so that they don't drive drunk and so that if they
> >do, you won't have to face their ugly crack-whore moms, because you'll
> >have escaped to Cuba with 5 kilos and a gat.
> >
> >
> >PART III:
> >
> >:)
> >:)
> >:)
> >:)
> >:)
> >:)
> >:)
> >
> >This is the shining smiley-face Hawaiian totem of love. If you send it to
> >5 people within the next 3 minutes, you will get mad honeys. If you
> >accidentally send it to 6 people instead, you will die instantly. Good
> >Luck! :)
> >
> >
> >PART IV:
> >
> >LAST "GOODTIMES" VIRUS WARNING.
> >Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive.
> >Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that aren't even close to
> >your computer.  It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting
> >so all your ice cream goes melty.  It will demagnetize the strips on all
> >your credit cards, screw up the tracking on your television & VCR and use
> >sub-space field harmonics to scratch any CD's you try to play.  It  will
> >give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number.  It will mix Kool-Aid into
> >your fishtank.  It will drink all your beer and leave its socks out on
> >the coffee table when there's company coming over.  It will put a dead
> >cockroach in the back pocket of your good suit pants and hide your car
> >keys when you are late for work.
> >Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin.  It will give you
> >nightmares about circus midgets.
> >It will pour sugar into your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows
> >while dating your girlfriend behind your back and billing the dinner &
> >hotel room to your Discover card.  It will slander your grandmother.
> >It does not matter if she is dead or not, such is the power of Goodtimes,
> >it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.
> >It moves your car randomly around parking lots  so you can't find it.  It
> >will kick your dog.
> >It will leave libidinous messages on your bosses voice mail in your voice.
> >
> >It is insidious and subtle.  It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.
> >It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.  Goodtimes will give you
> >Dutch Elm disease.  It will leave the toilet seat up.  It will make a
> batch of
> >Methanphedime in your bath tub and leave bacon cooking on your stove
> >while it goes out to chase gradeschoolers with your new snowblower.
> >
> >
> 
> >=== Begin LART Block ===
> >
> >   o      o     o    o     o    <o     <o>    o>    o
> >  .|.    \|.   \|/   //    X     \      |    <|    <|>
> >   /\     >\   /<    >\   /<     >\    /<     >\    /<
> >
> >==== End LART Block ====
> >
> >
>