[tabzr@CQ.Bet: [erufr@TBYQRTT.EVGR.BE.WC: You know you have been in Japan too long when ...]]

Some more humor from those Aikido people (not sure about that last
one, though):

>To: NVXVQB-Y@YVFGF.CFH.RQH
>Date:    Wed, 17 Jun 1998 14:13:07 +0000
>From:    Peter Rehse <erufr@TBYQRTT.EVGR.BE.WC>
>Subject: You know you have been in Japan too long when ...
>
>You know you've been in Japan too long when . . .
>. . . you select shoes based on how easily you can get them on and off.
>. . . you answer "hai!" even when speaking English to non-Japanese friends.
>. . . you can name all the members of SMAP.
>. . . you think any lunch costing less than US$10 is cheap.
>. . . "Ohio" no longer means the state.
>. . . you recognize TV celebrities' voices without looking up--even if you
>      don't speak Japanese.
>. . . you don't freak out when the salad arrives with octopus legs all over the
>      top of it.
>. . . you no longer hesitate to drive halfway into the right-hand lane
>      to avoid the cars parked in the left-hand lane.
>. . . every weekday morning you arrive at the train platform the same
>      time as the train.
>. . . your noodle slurping can rattle the windows next door.
>. . . you think of anything less than 1000 yen as "small change."
>. . . you don't think twice about sitting on the floor barefoot in an
>      expensive restaurant.
>. . . you no longer insist on "holding it" until you find a
>      western-style toilet.
>. . . you can back into a Japanese parking space--without your passenger
>      getting out and guiding you in.
>. . . you look forward to winter in your Japanese house so you can store
>      beer and frozen foods in your bedroom and bathroom.
>. . . you can fall asleep on the train and wake up at your stop.
>. . . any of your children under the age of 16 have a cellular phone.
>. . . you no longer marvel at the strange English on soda cans, billboards,
>      T-shirts, shopping bags, etc.
>. . . you can name more than three sumo wrestlers.
>. . . you stop turning on your windshield wipers before you make a turn.
>. . . you know your height, weight, and shoe size in metric.
>. . . you know your birthdate by the Japanese imperial calendar.
>. . . you no longer look puzzled when new acquaintances ask your blood
>      type.
>. . . you open a kids' comic book, you're surprised if there's no nudity.
>. . . you would not only settle for Taco Bell, you would actually kill for it.
>. . . you only lock your doors if there are lots of foreigners around.
>. . . people ask, "Do you want to go by car?" and you respond, "No, I'm
>      in a hurry."
>. . . you can't remember saying 6 bucks was too much to see a movie and
>      now you pay $15.
>. . . when someone says "bed" you think of an inch-thick mattress and a
>      pillow stuffed with beads.
>. . . your kids care less about Christmas presents than they do about
>      New Year's money.
>. . . your daily knowledge of the exchange rate would make a commodities
>      broker proud.
>. . . you think it's OK to wear white socks with a black suit.
>. . . you can tell time in five time zones simultaneously.
>. . . you can name the lineage of at least three emperors.
>. . . you can recognize your stop when the train announcer says it.
>. . . you can recognize anything besides your stop when the train
>      announcer says it.
>. . . you don't mind peeing in a public restroom with the cleaning lady
>      standing next to you.
>. . . you don't mind peeing in a public restroom with women other than
>      the cleaning lady standing next to you.
>. . . you don't even need a restroom to pee in public.
>. . . you crawl back into your house to get your coat, rather than take
>      your shoes back off or walk on the floor with shoes on.
>. . . you bow to inanimate objects.
>. . . you walk around humming the song the crosswalk signals play.
>. . . you make up your own lyrics to go with the crosswalk song.
>. . . you know the real lyrics to the crosswalk song.
>. . . you stop trying to get into the driver's side of your friends' cars.
>. . . school uniforms turn you on more than lingerie.
>. . . when someone says "breakfast" you think of fish, soup, and pickles.
>. . . you walk into a room with chairs and choose to sit on the floor.
>. . . you think they mean your neighborhood whenever you hear U2's "Where the
>      Streets Have No Name."
>. . . you start believing you can blend into the crowd.
>. . . even at 60 km/h you can tell whether your car is going to fit
>      between the lamppost on the right and the car parked on the left.
>. . . you can tell good sake from bad.
>. . . you believe no party is complete without a trip to the karaoke box.
>. . . you'll eat anything with a "Mc" in front of it.
>. . . you believe that a tie is an acceptable ending for a baseball game.
>. . . you'll spend an hour coming to the point when making a business call.
>. . . you let your eye be drawn toward any female whose hair isn't black.
>. . . your long distance phone bill looks like some countries' defense budgets.
>. . . you use chopsticks better than the Japanese do.
>. . . you answer the phone and freeze in indecision between saying "hello" or
>      "moshi moshi."
>. . . you choose "moshi moshi."
>. . . you smile and wave at other foreigners who, had you seen them back home,
>      you would have hidden from.
>. . . when someone says "mansion" you picture a two-bedroom flat in a 400-unit
>      apartment building.
>. . . the only room you'll call a "bathroom" is one with a bathtub in it.
>. . . you mutter "yoshi!" when lifting heavy objects.
>. . . you're startled by any dog larger than a pekingese.
>. . . you suck air through your teeth and hesitate before saying "no" to
>      anything.
>. . . you assume any other foreigner you run into speaks English.
>. . . you can't even have a family picnic without an opening and closing
>      ceremony.
>. . . you believe any enclosed shelter is worth $1500/month, if it's close to a
>      train station.
>. . . you can convert katakana back to English without having to first sound it
>      out ten times slowly.
>. . . you stop being friendly to clerks and cashiers.
>. . . when someone says "biking" you think of a buffet.
>. . . you bow and bob your head up and down furiously when on the phone with an
>      important customer.
>. . . you start off with "Sa, ne" while formulating a response to a question.
>. . . you notice improvement in your Nihongo when you start ordering "hotto
>      doggu" instead of "atsui inu."
>. . . you start to explain away to yourself all that's messed up in Japan with
>      the old line "Well, Japan is an island country, so . . ."
>. . . you think you've met a Japanese girl who is actually intelligent.
--
Mike Mitten, tabzr@qbewr.pbz                    Straight but not narrow.
Atlanta, Georgia, USA                   http://www.dorje.com:8080/~gnome
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