Re: Life's Lessons (fwd)

>Here are some wise words by which to live...

or if you need more detailed instructions:

***********************************************
HOW TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL
OF INSANITY IN THE WORKPLACE
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1) Page yourself over the intercom.  Don't disguise
your voice.

2) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the
same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does.
This is especially effective if your boss is of a
different gender than you.

3) Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to
them only by these names.  "That's a good point, Sparky."
"No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with
you there, Cha-cha."

4) Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them
exactly what you're doing.  For example: "If anyone needs
me, I'll be in the bathroom."

5) Hi-Lite your shoes.  Tell people you haven't lost them
as much since you did this.

6) While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in
Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.

7) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle.  When you
emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap
yourself randomly the whole way.

8) Put a chair facing a printer.  Sit there all day and
tell people you're waiting for your document.

9) Every time someone asks you to do something, anything,
ask him or her if they want fries with that.

10) Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging
yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a
co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

11) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little
synchronized chair-dancing.

12) Put your trash can on your desk.  Label it "IN."

13) Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.

14) Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or
donuts or cake in the lunchroom.  When people drift back
to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat
your stomach and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."

15) Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once
everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to
espresso.