homegrown puns

The Washington Post's "Style Invitational" asked readers to take any word
from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one
letter, and supply a new definition.


Foreploy: any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining
sex

Intaxication: euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until
you realize it was your money to start with.

Doltergeist: a spirit that decides to haunt someplace stupid, such as your
septic tank.

Giraffiti: vandalism spray-painted very, very high, such as the famous
"Surrender Dorothy" on the Beltway overpass.

Sarchasm: the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient
who doesn't get it.

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad
vibes, right?  And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious
bummer.

Glibido: all talk and no action.

Contratemps: the resentment permanent workers feel toward the fill-in workers.

Impotience: eager anticipation by men awaiting their Viagra prescription.

Reintarnation: coming back to life as a hillbilly.

DIOS: the one true operating system.

Inoculatte: to take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis: terminal coolness.

Writer's tramp: a woman who practices poetic licentiousness.

Guillozine: a magazine for executioners.

Osteopornosis: a degenerate disease.

Adulatery: cheating on your wife with a much younger woman who holds you in
awe.

Suckotash: a dish consisting of corn, lima beans and tofu.

Emasculathe: a tool for castration.

Burglesque: a poorly planned break-in.  (See: Watergate)

Deifenestration: to throw all talk of God out the window.

Hozone: the area around 14th street.

Acme: a generic skin disease.

Stupfather: Woody Allen.

Fortissimoe: the musical moment produced when someone serially slaps the
faces of the first-violin section.

Tatyr: a lecherous Mr. Potato Head.

Dopeler effect: the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come
at you rapidly.

Whitetater: a political hot potato.


Colleen Campbell         o/~ Fruphoria! o/~          prrprr@sehibhf.pbz
          "Kate Moss?  She's a model.  The anorexic one." - me
            "Oh, that narrows it a bit." - Andy     [groan] - me