Wash. Post Invitational

Forwarded-by: Kirk McKusick <zpxhfvpx@synzvatb.ZpXhfvpx.PBZ>
Forwarded-by: Mark Compton <znepbz@bcraqbbe.pbz>

Recently, the Washington Post asked readers to combine the works of two
authors to create so-called "Merge-Matic Book" titles, accompanied by
suitable blurbs. The results of the "Invitational" follow:

Second Runner-Up:
"Machiavelli's The Little Prince" - Antoine de Saint-Exupery's classic
children's tale as presented by Machiavelli. The whimsy of human nature
is embodied in many delightful and intriguing characters, all of whom are
executed. (Erik Anderson, Tempe, Ariz.)

First Runner-Up:
"Green Eggs and Hamlet" -- Would you kill him in  his bed? Thrust a dagger
through his head?  I would not, could not, kill the King.  I could not do
that evil thing.  I would not wed this girl, you see.  Now get her to a
nunnery.  (Robin Parry, Arlington)

And the Winner of the Washington Post's Dancing Critter:
"Fahrenheit 451 of the Vanities" -- An '80s yuppie is denied books. He
does not object, or even notice.  (Mike Long, Burke)

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Honorable Mentions:

"Where's Walden?" -- Alas, the challenge of locating Henry David Thoreau
in each richly-detailed drawing loses its appeal when it quickly becomes
clear that he is always in the woods.

"Paradise Lost in Space" -- Satan, Moloch, and Belial are sentenced to
spend eternity in a flying saucer with a goofy robot, an evil scientist,
and two annoying children.

"The Maltese Faulkner" -- Is the black bird a tortured symbol of Sam's
struggles with race and family? Does it signify his decay of soul along
with the soul of the Old South? Is it merely a crow, mocking his
attempts to understand? Or is it worth a cool mil?

"Singing in the Black Rain" -- A gang of vicious Japanese druglords
attempt to beat the daylights out of Gene Kelly. However, his highly
articulated footwork has no competition, defeating the wicked crime
element and winning himself an Oscar in the process.

"Catch-22 in the Rye" -- Holden learns that if you're insane, you'll
probably flunk out of prep school, but if you're flunking out of prep
school, you're probably not insane.

"2001: A Space Iliad" -- The Hal 9000 computer wages an insane 10-year
war against the Greeks after falling victim to the Y2K bug. Hackers
finally do something good for a change by implanting an Anti-virus program
which repairs Hal and all the IRS, CIA, FBI, Army, Navy, Marine, and Air
Force computers at the same time.  The Greeks then suddenly realize that
they have slept through the last 1000 years and are not prepared to give
up their oil lamps and stone wheels quite yet.

"Rikki-Kon-Tiki-Tavi" -- Thor Heyerdahl recounts his attempt to prove
Rudyard Kipling's theory that the mongoose first came to India on a raft
from Polynesia.

"Jane Eyre Jordan" -- Plucky English orphan girl survives hardships to
lead the Chicago Bulls to the NBA championship.

"The Scarlet Pimpernel Letter" -- An 18th-century English nobleman leads
a double life, freeing comely young adulteresses from the prisons of
post-Revolution France.

"Lorna Dune" -- An English farmer, Paul Atreides, falls for the daughter
of a notorious rival clan, the Harkonnens, and pursues a career as a giant
worm jockey in order to impress her.

"The Remains of the Day of the Jackal" -- A formal English butler puts
his loyalty to his employer above all else, until he is persuaded to join
a plot to assassinate Charles deGaulle.

"The Invisible Man of La Mancha" -- Don Quixote discovers a mysterious
elixir which renders him invisible. He proceeds to go on a mad rampage of
corruption and terror, attacking innocent people in the streets and all
the while singing "To Fight the Invisible Man!" until he is finally
stopped by a windmill.

"Fiddlemarch" -- Emotionally dessicated medievalist Dr. Casaubon is
transformed when everyone in the town reveals that they are Jewish and
start to dance and sing a lot.

"Of Three Blind Mice and Men" -- Burgess Meredith has his limbs hacked
off by a psychopathic farmer's wife. Three surgeons not only perform the
necessary repairs, but relieve the stricken victim of his multiple
cataracts and his white cane. Did you ever see such a sight in your life?

"Planet of the Grapes of Wrath" -- Astronaut lands on mysterious planet,
only to discover that it is his very own home planet of Earth, which has
been taken over by the Joads, a race of dirt-poor corn farmers who
miraculously developed rudimentary technology and evolved the ability to
speak after exposure to nuclear radiation.